Conundrum

I don't usually use big words like "conundrum" but I thought it was appropriate for this post dealing with the situation where people who consider themselves highly educated or "intellectual" find themselves with a "an intricate and difficult problem."
The difficult and intricate problem I am speaking of is when people who are Christians state that Intelligent Design Theory should not be taught in schools because it is not "real science." They state that it is "bad science."

Why do I believe this is a conundrum? Here is why. If one is a Christian, they believe in the God described in the Holy Bible, and that the Holy Bible is divinely inspired-that everything in the Holy Bible is true. So, they must believe that God created earth and everything (including living things) on it. True Christians must believe that God created earth, plants, animals, and people. Based on all the information provided in the Bible, Christians have to conclude that God represents an intelligent life form (at a minimum).

Intelligent design theory states that certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an un-directed process. The theory is that the design of the earth and the living things on it are the result of an intelligent design, made by an intelligent designer.

Real science involves using the scientific process. The scientific process in its purest form, eliminates subjectivity. Real science reveals truth.

So, if one believes that God (an intelligent designer) created the earth and all living things, that means they consider it to be a truth. Any scientific process or scientific theory that contradicts that truth is not "real science" because it does not reveal truth. Intelligent design theory does not contradict that truth, it supports it. There is another theory, currently taught in schools, that states that our earth and all living things were created by random, undirected activity, with no evidence pointing to the necessity of an intelligent designer. Since this clearly does not support the truth as a Christian understand it, it is not real science.

Everything in Moderation, Except for your Calling

Over the last several years my work in photography and video production has enabled me to meet many interesting people. Entrepreneurs, artists, performers, musicians, and folks that have a drive or a calling that results in a different life path than that of "normal" folk.

It was after meeting many people, conducting many interviews and getting connected to this community of uniquely talented and driven people that I had a better understanding of why I always knew that I was "on the outside" and why "everything in moderation" was not my motto.

Lindsay-Marie-Istace

The trite but well-intended phrase "Everything in Moderation" is an oversimplification, and has limited application. Nothing worthwhile I have ever achieved was the result of moderation or a moderate, balanced level of effort. To the contrary, it was the result of the pursuit of a goal in a manner that required incredible effort, focus, sacrifice and enduring the pain needed to overcome the obstacles between myself and the goal. I know that sounds dramatic, but it is not, it is the truth. And, what I have achieved is actually very moderate and mainstream compared to many I have met over the last decade or so. It is only by my imagination and by learning about other folks over these past years that I am getting a clearer understanding of what it takes to live out your true purpose in life. Maybe I too will do that someday.

I should get to the point. The people that I see performing in our local venues, the people who run the businesses which we frequent, the people who are doing something different than working a normal 40-60 hour work week for a company with benefits have at least two things in common, no, at least three:
1. Something drives them to do their calling. They may try to ignore it, but they cannot.
2. They have a unique talent, and it aligns with their calling, it is what makes them feel alive.
3. They sacrifice essentially everything in order to pursue their calling.
4. They will pursue their calling with all they have, with no guarantee of a return on investment.
(I know, I said three things, but I wanted to add the fourth)

Bri Bagwell

Allow me to expand on item three above, which I believe is the second greatest stumbling block to success. Most of us see people on stage, or running a business, etc. and do not fully grasp what had to be sacrificed to be in that place. I am not talking about sacrificing one's morals, ethics, and similar aspects that form a person's core being. I am talking about sacrificing things such as, having time to relax with family on the weekend, having a puppy, cooking your own meals, sleeping in your own bed, having a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse, driving the car you want, sleeping at least 8 hours on one night of the week, and the list goes on. And I am speaking as an outsider (always on the outside) so I only know what I am seeing, and experiencing in the pursuit of my own calling. I may be partially deaf, since I don't know that I've heard my calling yet.

Ted Nugent

The greatest stumbling block from my perspective is item four. There is a lot of work involved, in addition to the sacrifice, and there is no guarantee of success. To put it in perspective, I worked very hard to obtain my Engineering Degree, and then my Professional Engineering License in both Virginia and in Texas. That did require a lot of work, and considerable sacrifice, however the return on investment was fairly certain. It did pay off, and still does. Here is the punchline: My calling has something to do with photography and video production (I knew this before I was 12 years old) and though I did go to film school and I have invested incredible amounts of time and money and energy over the years there are two facts that have not escaped my attention, maybe three:
1. I can't "not" pursue photography and video production
2. Though I have worked and sacrificed, I've not done enough to be a success
3. I sacrificed my calling for a "guaranteed" return on investment
4. I still have not gone "all in" to pursue my calling (I know, I only said three facts, I thought of four)

Cody Kouba

So, my recommendation is to never be jealous nor resentful of people who are in the limelight, who are successful, or even those folks who are just getting all the attention in the Texas music scene (for example). They earned it. Note that I am aware of the dark side of fame, fortune and success, I am not addressing that aspect here, that is a different kind of "success." Oh, and if you do have emotional outbreaks of jealousy, as I do, then perhaps you have been trying to ignore your own calling. Perhaps.

Milan Blocks Photo

Special, Like Everyone Else

I saw a T-shirt some years back that had the statement on it “You’re Special, Just Like Everyone Else!” It was intended to be humorous in a sarcastic way, but there is a lot of truth revealed in that statement.

I know the pursuits and desires of men and women differ, but I think all people want to believe they are special in some way. I am writing this from a man’s perspective, since that is the only perspective I have. I hope the points I bring up here have some application for women as well.

 It is clear to me that most men want to be recognized for their accomplishments. This trait becomes evident at a very young age. How many boys do stupid stunts on their bicycles or on the gym in the playground to get the attention of young girls and respect of the other boys? Later in life we move on to other feats to prove our physical prowess, if we have the ability. If we don’t have the physical abilities to excel in sports, we prove ourselves through academics or the arts. If we don’t have physical, academic, nor artistic abilities we become troublemakers. I was a short skinny kid, near-sighted in one eye, far-sighted in other. My lack of depth perception made it very difficult for me to catch or accurately throw a baseball. To this day I can throw a rock at almost anything, and miss. So, as you can guess, I pursued the arts, and academics rather than sports. As us men grow older we still want to be recognized, through sports, business accomplishments, the ability to attract beautiful women, our artistic or academic achievements, our excellent family raising skills, or for our criminal activities. One way or another, we want to be noticed. We want to be seen as special. We want to have an impact, either positive or negative.

Where does this desire to be seen as special come from? Is it just human pride? I think there is more to it than simple human pride. According to Matthew 10:29-31, we are very valuable to God, in a very unique way. He has numbered the hairs on our head. That requires very detailed knowledge, and very close attention, to each of us! It goes without saying that since we were created in His image, after His likeness (Genesis 1:26) that we are quite special. God’s knowledge of each of us began before we were conceived (Psalm 139:13, Jeremiah 1:5). We were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). What does “fearfully” mean in this context? Was God afraid He might make a mistake? I don’t think so. I think it may mean that God understood the significance of His creation of every single one of us. He had a great respect for each of us as he made His plans for us and created us. These truths are deeply ingrained within us, and reinforced through His words to us in the Holy Bible. I believe we seek to get validation of these truths during the course of our life. It seems to me that all our attempts to make an impact, to stand out, are our attempts to validate these truths. We want evidence that we are special.

But if all of us are “special” then doesn’t that mean that none of us are special? No two people are identical, even identical twins are not truly identical. So in that sense we are each special, like how each snowflake is different and therefore “special.” But just the fact that we are different does not fulfill our desire to be special. It falls far short of validating what the Bible says about us, and what I believe God has imprinted upon each of us. We don’t just want to be different, we want to be the best, at least the best at something.

I believe God created each one of us to fulfill a unique role in His plans for the human race, and creation in general. I also believe that He created every one of us to fulfill a unique relationship with Him. That is why He numbered our hairs, that is why he knew each of us before we were conceived, and that he created each one of us with reverence. It is beyond my comprehension that God can have so many “best friends,” “most valuable players,” or “very important persons” since I always have favorites. We each have a different role to fulfill, and each of us is uniquely qualified to fulfill it. No one else can satisfy the relationship needs and achieve the objectives that God has in mind for each of us. I expect in addition to our relationship with Him, we have relationships with others on earth that we are uniquely qualified to fulfill. We are the best at doing what we were put here to do, no one else can do what God specifically has designed us to do.



Finding validation of our uniqueness is something that we may not achieve during our lifetime. Living in a fallen world means that the consequences of sin tend to overshadow and blot out the truths that God wants for us to realize in our daily activities. Relying upon tangible accomplishments or the feedback from other are not reliable measures. We control only a fraction of what it takes to accomplish goals. People’s opinions are not necessarily objective. I think the only thing I can do is believe, truly, deeply believe, that as long as I honestly pursue His plan for me that I will be doing those special and unique things He created me to do. It will probably only be when I’m in Heaven that I will see what makes me stand out. There is a movie, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” It was about a maintenance man who believed he lived a completely ordinary and unimportant life. It turns out that he meets people in Heaven that show him the wonderful impact he had on the lives of many people.
.
If I believe I have a unique purpose, and I pursue His will, then I’m certain my life will produce good fruit, even if I don’t get to see or taste it until I leave this earth.

The photos are several I have taken here at the lake, attempting to catch the beauty and serenity and share it with others.

Dragonfly Perspective

I occasionally go through time periods when I get angry with my circumstances, sometimes to the point of being angry with God. I’m actually pretty irreverent, hollering and yelling, literally. I’m not proud to admit that, but that is just the way it is. God hasn’t struck me dead for it, yet. I don’t mean to test His patience or try my luck, it is just that I sometimes go through periods when I lose hope, and lose my belief that He really even knows I exist, much less cares about my life. I realize that my tantrums are like a 2-year-old, in the corner, screaming and crying that their world is coming to end because the toy they have is the wrong color. That is probably how I look from His perspective. Maybe, maybe not.

Don’t get me wrong, by most measures I am living a great life, but, something is missing here.

I was in a grocery store a few years back. Just ahead of me were a mother and her child. The child, probably not more than 8-10 months old, was in the child’s seat in the shopping cart. His mom was busy unloading the contents of the cart on to the cashier’s counter. The little boy was struggling to reach his pacifier when he slowly just fell over. He bumped his head ever so slightly but fell so far that he was just wedged there, head against this cage he was in. He could not upright himself. He slowly began to cry. It was a cry of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness. Not the cry of an angry child, but one who was in a fix, and saw no way out. His world was coming to an end. All hope was lost. From his perspective, life would never be good again.

Dragonflies have always fascinated me. They are like little helicopters (actually they were designed well before helicopters). They can fly very fast, then just stop and hover. Often I will be fishing when a dragonfly zooms by me then lands on my bobber floating in the water. When I float in the lake dragonflies often hover over and land on my float, take a break, and then buzz away. They look so cool though, but sometimes a bit scary to younger children. I understand some children’s fear, because there are some parents that tell young kids that if dragonflies hear them say a bad word that the dragonflies will sew the kid’s lips shut! I know what you are thinking, but no, I did not make that one up.

I was relaxing on my pier today and something in the water caught my attention. I saw something disturbing the surface of the water. It was a dragonfly, trying to shake its wings dry enough to launch out of the water. I see dragonflies all the time at the lake. They buzz along and take quick (very quick) dips into the water to get a drink. They even do this when they are joined to another dragonfly, in dragonfly matrimony I suppose. They drop down then almost bounce off the water. I understand the urgency, lingering at the water’s surface increases the risk of becoming a fish snack. So, I watch this dragonfly for a few moments. He either was sick and could no longer fly or he mis-judged his water approach and got water logged. Considering how vigorously he was flapping his wings, he was healthy. I didn’t want to just sit there and watch him get eaten, so I got into the water on a float and paddled over to him. At water level I could not see his profile clearly. I was scanning the water waiting to see the disturbance from his wings. I saw nothing. It took me awhile to locate him and when I did he wasn’t moving anymore, just floating, helpless, hopeless. As I lifted him out of the water with my hand I could see that he was still very alive, just tired. I placed him on the pier so he could let his wings dry and regain his strength. He didn’t even move for about 10 minutes. He just remained still while the wind dried his wings. I wondered what was going through his dragonfly mind. Did he have any comprehension of what my hand was when I lifted him out of the water? Did he even know I was a few feet away, close enough that a bird would not come and eat him? Did he comprehend why he was safely resting and drying? I doubt it. He started doing the cleaning thing that insects do. His wings were fluttering from even the slightest breeze now, so they were dry. I got a few photos during this process. I decided to see if I could pick him up for a photo. I placed my finger in front of him, and he just climbed on. I thought he would back up or fly away, but he actually climbed onto my finger without prompting. Did he somehow comprehend that I was a friend and not a foe? He obviously knew I existed otherwise he would not have moved when I placed my finger in front of him, but did he understand what was going on?

The woman quickly put down her handful of baby food and lovingly up-righted her son, gave him his pacifier and consoled him. It was less than a minute from the time when he fell over to the point she picked him up. To him, it was probably an eternity.

When I was satisfied that I had gotten a good photo, I moved to place the dragonfly back on to the pier. Just after I lowered my camera, and before I began to kneel to place him on the pier he launched from my finger and headed for the trees. I think I heard him say “thanks dude” in a high squeaky dragonfly voice as he flew off. Okay, I made that up, he didn’t even look back. I never claimed that dragonflies were grateful.

I don’t even see or appreciate that God’s hand is protecting me, because I am so limited in my understanding. I know about as much about God’s plans, what is happening around me, and the world He created as that dragonfly understands why he didn’t drown today, or become fish dinner. I am stuck in my predicament, helpless and crying (metaphorically of course) with my head stuck in this cage wondering what is taking God so long to up-right me because I know I can’t do it myself.



God has lifted me out of my drowning state, he is fascinated by me, he works tirelessly to provide, and even has to stop in the middle of getting my provisions to pick me up because I’m stuck, or just too tired to flap my wings any longer.

KTF

I was packing for my trip today, listening to a radio station that plays both kinds of music, Country AND Western (1), when one of my favorite songs came on, "Live like you were dying." I also came across Ephesians 4:31-32, which instructs us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. It got me to thinking more on the topic of living a theme. In the song, the singer states that he became the kind of friend that a friend should be, and that he gave forgiveness that he had been denying. He also rode a bull and went sky-diving, but that deviates a bit from my point here. The song and the Bible verse brought something else to my mind. In church a few weeks back the rhetorical question was posed; “Where are you building your house, on earth or in heaven?” This question also fits somewhat with the question, "What would you want said at your eulogy? Or written on your tombstone?"

Hmmm, so perhaps answering questions such as these can help to define and refine my theme. This thought process led me to ask myself another question. Yes, I am sometimes accused of  “over-thinking” things, whatever that means. Here is the question, and some possible answers that popped into my over-analytical but small mind:
What would my last actions be if this were my last day? Would I engage every opportunity for a conflict or argument, and play to win? I wonder about that sometimes, that maybe I should be more assertive, make sure I get my way. Would I go about settling old scores, exacting revenge for past mistreatment or injustices? Sometimes it bugs me when I think people get away with taking advantage of others. Would I work as hard as I could to accomplish as much as possible in hopes of achieving something noteworthy in my few remaining hours? If my past and current behavior are any indication, that is exactly what I would do. However when I put these options up against the measure of scripture I realize “assert thyself” and “revenge is yours, the Lord is too busy,” and “work ceaselessly to accomplish great works to impress your fellow man” are only in my personal “marked up” version of the Bible. Do I really want my tombstone to read “worked most weekends, won some arguments, died with money in the bank, and kept his car waxed.”

I can only conclude that if I truly, deep down understood that my days are numbered, and I truly believed that God’s instructions for living are in everyone’s best interest, I would realign my priorities. My overall theme would have a different tune, and a different cadence.

So I would like to think I would make any apologies that are due, give people more attention than I give my tasks, and encourage and build up people. I would like to think I would appreciate more all the blessings in my life, and complain less. Maybe instead of buying a boat I would donate the money to build a church or support a ministry. I would like to think I would stop my work a bit early and make phone calls to family and friends. These are just a few applications of me putting people above tasks or achievement, putting my relationship with God above my own plans, of being kind and forgiving rather than assertive and vindictive, and building treasures in Heaven rather than accumulations on earth. So, since I don’t know my last day, and I know these examples I’ve just listed are representative of a Biblical theme for living that I wish to emulate, what is stopping me?

The photos here have no direct relevance to the topic, just snapshots I’ve taken in the last few months that represent the environment I live and work in. The last photo was taken just before my meeting with the Director of Technical Services at Universal Studios. God's hand has carried me to a point where I may soon be using my talents, training and background in the entertainment industry. I have a shot at fixing part of the Jurassic Park ride (the ride is safe, don't worry). If I can lead our team to do that well, we will be very busy with other projects.

Footnotes:
1. Classic line from the bartender in a scene in the “Blues Brothers” movie

Theme Song

I have been giving more thought to the subject of my theme. I can’t think of that word without remembering the movie “A Christmas Story.” In one scene, the teacher thinks up the worst punishment imaginable for the students, she makes them write (dramatic pause) “a theme.” I now understand the punishment better, as I am having a very difficult time coming up with my “theme” and writing about it.

As I wrote about this before I began to realize that I didn’t actually understand the meaning of “theme.” I understand rules, operating principles, and beliefs but what exactly is a theme? In older movies, and in cartoons, certain characters have a theme song that plays when they enter the scene. The villian has a foreboding theme song, the comic sidekick has some kind of goofy playful theme song. People decorate rooms based on a theme. Many amusement parks are built around a theme (theme parks). I looked up the definition, and even that was a bit vague, and the definitions varied. It is a specific quality or characteristic, and it has a unifying effect. As I mull it over, theme as it applies to a person is similar to motive. It is not the same, but it is similar.

I stopped typing and picked up the Bible, looking for the verse that states the God weighs our motives. I did not find it, and I knew I was not supposed to cheat and use my notes or an online searchable Bible. So I looked and read and this jumped out at me, the second part of the 9th verse of the 12th chapter of Romans:

1. Abhor what is evil. 

2. Cling to what is good.

If my theme for living were to just be made up of those two characteristics, I would expect a pretty good outcome. The advantage of pursuing a theme rather than a dream or goal is that I can actually achieve it despite my environment, current circumstances or future events. Pursuing a proper theme should lead to the best goals. There are numerous verses in the Bible where Jesus gives direction on how to live, I don’t know of any where he specifies what to achieve. I remember a statement I have read in many books on self-improvement, “you are where you are today because of the choices you made yesterday.” There is a lot of truth to that, but a lot of our future is out of our control. Trying to pick a specific outcome or goal for the future is not as simple as planning and carrying out a trip to, your favorite theme park. Our destination in life can vary wildly from what we planned because there are far too many variables beyond our control as we navigate through life in pursuit of happiness, wealth, fame, retirement, and whatever other goals we typically consider worthy.

I decided to back up and read the earlier verses in the 12th chapter of Romans, to understand the context. What is being said here is that we have each received gifts and we are to use them to minister. Furthermore we are to love without hypocrisy, abhor evil and cling to what is good. Love without hypocrisy? Does that mean that we are to be genuine in the way we demonstrate our love for others? The actual verse reads “Let love be without hypocrisy.” Maybe, true love is demonstrated when a person is genuine, not a poser, not wearing a mask, not saying one thing and doing another. I have to confess, I don’t have a lot of love for fake people. I guess you could say I abhor hypocrisy and duplicity. Did you catch that? I just admitted that I have a hard time loving people if I abhor their behavior. That is a tough one.

So I ask myself, if I were in a movie or a cartoon, what would the theme song sound like when I entered the scene? Would it be an ambling, aimless, laid back song? Definitely not. Would it be foreboding and menacing? I certainly hope not. Would it be the theme song of the tough, confident, invincible hero, like in the Clint Eastwood westerns? I wish. Or would it be like the theme song for the comic sidekick? I am starting to think so. Actually, I don’t think most non-fictional people can be summed up in one theme song, though someone has suggested that my theme song could be “oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way.” They were kidding of course. Yes they were.

The images you see in this post are random photographs I have taken lately, no unifying theme here.The last one is just after a test of a couple cranes for an offshore rig. I grabbed the controls and acted like a kid playing with his new toy just before he snapped the photo, to get a laugh out of the team there.

Theme On

My mom sent me an email a few days back, talking about pursuing a “theme” as opposed to pursuing a “dream.”  That statement impressed me, and got me to thinking about the implications. I have struggled for some time with this very subject, but the whole theme vs. dream statement turned the light on for me.

I am, as a follower of Jesus Christ, instructed to “seek first the Kingdom of God.” That is a pretty big kingdom, and that statement doesn’t really give me instruction for the day-to-day living. Also, I am to do good works, which God has planned for me in advance (Eph 2:10). That is a little more specific, but I may not know which good works I should put my time and energy into, because the world is full of hurting, damaged people who should have someone help them. I know that God directs my steps, so I know that I should (and mostly do, but not always) ask for His guidance every day, and with every decision. I read a book some time ago called “Practicing His Presence.”  This book explained the impact realized (by the author) by essentially talking to God all day, throughout every activity, before every decision, basically behaving as if Jesus was physically right there with him all of the time, counseling, consoling, advising, encouraging. That actually works very well, but it is hard to maintain. I am also instructed to pray continually 1 Th 5:17, which to me sounds a lot like the concept in “Practicing His Presence.” But, in Romans 8:26 it actually states that we may not actually know what to pray for. Well, that’s a big help.

So, my dilemma has been this: I achieve goals (dreams) by pursuing them. Taking all actions and making all decisions with that dream in clear focus. Read any of the millions of motivational books and you will see that this is the key to achieving YOUR dreams. And it actually works pretty well. But, as you have probably heard before, you  may work very hard to climb the ladder but when you finally get to the top you realize it was leaned against the wrong wall. Wow! Think of pursuing your life’s dream for 20-30 years only to find out it wasn’t YOUR dream, but it was your worst nightmare. Bummer. Or, maybe, years later in Heaven God shows you what  you could have done with all that effort-if you put it into His plan. I'm stressing just writing this.

So, what do I do? Wander about, live in the moment, have no dreams, hopes or goals, pray all the time (but not knowing what to pray for) and just see how it all pans out and deal with it?

I don’t think so.

This is where “theme” comes in. I now think I’m starting to get it, it has only taken me 53 wonderful years to “get it,” because I’m slow. The real focus is “what is my theme” rather than “what is my dream.”  By living by the correct theme, I can achieve the dream that God has planned for me. I don't have to know the end game, I have to know what to do now, today.  He is the one to direct my steps, so He knows where I should walk. I just need to walk ( not run, scamper, wander, limp, nap) according to the theme He has placed in my heart.

I’ve had some very excellent “luck” in my career life, but as I look at my life honestly I see that my “luck” would not have been so “lucky” had I not stuck with my theme for living, career-wise at least. What principles guide my thoughts, beliefs, words and actions? By the way, I learned to not underestimate the power of beliefs.  I read in a book by John Eldridge recently that principles are not enough, that a daily walk/conversation with God is an absolute necessity because life has so many twists and turns that navigating without damage is impossible without a guide.

I’m not going to go into my theme in much depth here because that is not important, your theme is what is important to you, and you reading this. Here are a few key points on my theme. 
1) Honesty is essential, and must be exercised in a manner which is not inconsiderate of others, and must be exercised in a timely manner (don’t let it fester). I’ve done the former MUCH better than the latter.
2) Put others needs before my own. I’m actually pretty good at that.
3) Place relationships at a higher priority than accomplishments. I miss that one about half of the time (see I’m Honest).
4) Be nice to animals, except mosquitoes, wasps and roaches.

That is all, I’m not sharing my “theme” any further because I realize I need to spend some more time figuring out what theme has driven me all these years. I think I’ve lived my theme as it relates to career much more so than as it relates to relationships.

The photo above is from my time at the lake today. The dog “photo-bombed” the picture I was taking to show my friend what they missed by not coming out with me today. Dogs are such fun. This one is named Evander. His owner tied a bottle to his collar, so he (Evander) spent much of the day picking up “another” bottle out of the water and placing it on the beach where it belonged.

In the words from the song by Aerosmith, Theme On.

True Love, Gifts

Some time ago I took one of those tests designed to determine what character you would be in a movie. The movie was "The Princess Bride" and my match was Westley (played by Cary Elwes). I thought, "what, are you kidding? I'm probably more like the goofy and annoying Vizzini "(played by Wallace Shawn). Inconceivable!

But then I thought back on the test questions and scenes in the movie and realized that Westley's motivation for everything was, True Love. Of course the primary focus was his love for Buttercup (the Princess Bride), but if you pay attention you will notice that he has a love even for his adversaries. For example, he is engaged in a fight to the death with Fezzik (played by the late Andre the Giant). During the course of the fight he does not spew out words of hatred and blood lust, he just calmly approaches the situation as another challenge to be confronted. He overcomes Fezzik without even injuring him, and they later become friends.

When I think about it honestly, my primary motivation actually is True Love. I don't always practice it perfectly, and I don't even apply to myself as well as I do with others, but that does seem to be at the core of most of what I do. As I have matured (gotten old) I seem to practice it better.
I have had many people ask me how I put up with so many difficult situations and people without lashing out in anger or retaliation. Many have stated that my ability to remain calm under fire is unbelievable. Some have said I'm too calm, but the outcome indicates that they were incorrect. The source of this ability is my True Love to serve God by helping people, and the Holy Spirit provides me with that gift.

You have probably heard that the term "love" has many meanings and is often mis-used. I can say that I "love" avocados, grilled fish, cruising at 70 mph across the water on a jet ski. But what I'm really saying is that those things make ME feel good. That is not True Love. I can even say that I "love" a certain woman, when "in love" may be the more accurate phrase because what I'm really saying is being with her makes ME feel good. When I develop True Love for a woman then I serve and help her without requiring reciprocation. I won't get into long-term relationships here, but for one to work, each must have True Love for each other.

I believe that True Love is the desire to minister to God's creations. Obviously the primary ministry is to people, needy people, hurting people, and people who just need support to carry a burden.  Another form of ministry would be to animals, rehabilitating them, saving them from danger, etc. I think True Love involves ministering (helping) when the opportunity presents itself.



True Love does not always have to be an intimate relationship between two people, or specific help to a hurting person or animal, it is often between friends and groups of friends. Just the sharing of life experiences and being in each others company has a beneficial, ministering effect.




 
From the time I was a very young child I had a "love" for turtles. One of the first words I learned was "tuttle." I always stop and move turtles off the road. I sometimes keep them for awhile, take good care of them, then release them in a safe place.Let's be honest, though turtles are interesting creatures they really aren't affectionate, they're kind of cold and self-absorbed. They have tiny brains, they don't coming running to meet me at the door when I come home. They don't like to cuddle or be held.The only time they come to me is when I'm holding a wriggling worm out for them to eat, then they walk away with it. So, my love for turtles is simply to take care of them, expecting nothing in return. They don't make ME feel good. I just help them as one of God's creations.

True Love involving people is difficult because it often results in rejection, and it can be taken advantage of (abused). I'm reading a book, and this statement hit home with me:
"We are tested through rejection and misunderstanding so that we can overcome rejection. If we are to accomplish the purposes of God, we must come to the level of maturity where "the love of Christ controls us" (II Corinthians 5:14)." So, the love of Christ, rather than the love of making ourselves feel good is what controls us, and experiencing and overcoming rejection makes us better at that, hmmm.

Many people (me included) hold back on practicing True Love, because it can result in pain. There is a line from a song "I'm going to love you like I've never been hurt before, I'm going to love you like I'm indestructible." When I think about this now, it brings new meaning to 1 John 4:18: "there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear."

In the next post I will cover gifts, and how those are given to each of us so we can demonstrate True Love to others.

Below are photos of Rowdy, the box turtle I just released, and PD (Porch Dog) who always comes to visit me at my lake house.

Who Am I and What Happened to My Zeal?

Wow! Has it really been almost two years since I have posted on this blog? Obviously I've had my attention, time, energy and efforts focused elsewhere. Which brings me to the subject of today's long overdue blog. I think I may not know who I am, again. And I seem to have misplaced my zeal.

I'm not genuinely concerned, I'm sure it will all come back to me. Hopefully sooner rather than later. So what brings me to this place? How does a person move through life, accomplish many things, develop many good relationships, live responsibly, have actions motivated by good intent rather than selfish gain, and get to a point where they say "hey! I vaguely remember a time where I had a better sense of purpose, hope and zeal, how did I get here?" I'm there now.

The various photos you see here are from my days of car racing, car building, and motorcycle riding. The Pinto was one that I completely rebuilt and modified, it outran several V8 muscle cars and was reliable enough as a daily driver and a trip from Hampton Va, to Atlanta Ga, to Orlando Fla, to Richmond Va, then back to Hampton Va-with zero problems. The photo with it painted red was the completed project. The photo with it still yellow was me racing it at Langley Speedway before I finished the bodywork. I did every detail myself, with my own hands. Very rewarding, even if the results were not perfect.


In addition to building and racing cars I was married for 22 years, raised a family, obtained my P.E. license, wrote and produced two feature films and several short films, worked at several companies as an Engineer, worked an Engineering consultant, was chairman of the board for a nonprofit organization for homeless families,  traveled the world applying my expertise to several specialized projects for oil and gas drilling and production, obtained two patents, and now am the Vice President of Engineering of a company that produces turnkey offshore oil drilling rigs. All that sounds pretty impressive, but I don't state it to impress anyone. If you know me personally, you know I put very little effort into impressing people.

Well, I'm not that impressed myself. I'm here now, single again, thinking again-what is it I'm here for? And I've lost that zeal to go out and be the adventurer, the entrepreneur. Is it my age? Am I having a mid-life crisis? (I hope not, living to 106 years old doesn't appeal to me ).Is it the results of job stress? Is it the fact that I have about 1,000 copies of movies I produced sitting in my spare room that I couldn't sell, Is it the result of my failures in marriage and parenting?  Those are all pretty good reasons now that I think about it. But, I think it has to do with my focus, which has changed many times. My focus has moved from education, to career, to family man, to ministry (through film productions), and back to career. All those are noble pursuits, but except for short periods of time I have not been looking at God as my focal point. So, I poured my heart, soul, mind and strength into those pursuits, but that doesn't quite cut it.

In the service today at the church in Tomball, the topic was; what should we be "Zealous" about. It is in Mark 12:29-31: Know that the Lord our God is the ONE God, and love Him with all your:
1. Heart
2. Soul
3. Mind
4. Strength
And love your neighbor as yourself.

I've not done that so well. I let my focus shift.

So, I think I'm not going to get to any conclusion here at this time. No tidy little summary to wrap this all up into a great object lesson. Nope, I'm going to refocus, and then maybe the picture will become clear. And maybe I'll find time to blog again before 12 months pass. Oh, this last photo was just before the enduro race at Langley. I was happy and confident then. I'll get back to that soon (happy and confident, not enduro racing).

On The Verge Of...

Have you ever found yourself in the course of the day or maybe over a week or so in an emotional and physiological state where believe you are on the verge of some inappropriately extreme reaction? What I mean is, do you sometimes feel like you are just one teeny tiny step away from screaming, collapsing, exploding (metaphorically), punching someone (actually), quitting, or crying? I have. In fact, I have lately found myself in that state a little too often. Of course, being a man, I'm not specifically admitting that I have ever cried or think I'm on the verge of it. Come on, really.

Something happened several weeks back that awakened me to something about myself. Something that is not so good. I was at the early service at our church. I sat in my normal spot. Just as the service was about to begin, a married couple and their two friends rushed in and squeezed into the pew with me. By "squeeze" I mean I had to scoot to my right until I was just about three inches from the woman next to me, and that only left about three inches to the woman on my left who had just arrived. So, I'm no longer perfectly aligned with the center of the pulpit area, and have people to either side of me about 24 inches inside my personal space. I got tense. I got a little irritated. How am I supposed to worship my creator under these conditions?! So I sat there, elbows tightly tucked in, legs perfectly aligned in front of me, compressing myself into as small a space as possible, ready to worship my Lord and Savior. Yeah, I know.

As the service began I became aware that the woman to my left was giggling at almost everything, and outright guffawing at actual humor. I thought, "come on, its not all that funny." This continued for some time, and I realized that I was actually irritated by this person being so darned happy and giggly. It was not that she was being too loud, or distracting people in the service, I just found it irritating. Irritating, irritable. Hmmm, I started to detect a trend.

I am all too often on the verge of some kind of negative behavior. I have to restrain myself, then I commend myself for my restraint. It is good to have restraint. It is not so good to have to exercise it too often. This woman was obviously on the verge of uproarious laughter. She was filled to the point of overflowing with joy, happiness, contentment. Wow!, it hit me, she was not on the verge of despair or crying, she was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She was on the good end of the spectrum.

I suddenly felt ashamed, then a little jealous. Why was she so darned happy? She obviously lives here on earth like the rest of us, where bad things happen. Oh, maybe she is truly exercising the things I have been recently learning and trying to practice. Yes, that is it. She has become proficient in keeping her thoughts focused on all the good (and there really is plenty of good) rather than focusing on the bad. So, in the course of this service I went through the following phases: inconvenienced, irritated, perplexed, ashamed, jealous, humbled, enlightened, encouraged, then grateful. I was grateful that God had arranged another situation to help me. I've read "Learned Optimism" and "Every Day a Friday" and have been making progress in moving from pessimism to optimism, and I realize how critically important it is. But on that day, in that service, I saw the lightness and happiness and vitality that results from truly trusting the Lord and knowing that He has blessed us and truly works out even the bad things for good. She actually believes this stuff! Which, by the way, is the truth.

To put icing on the cake, and to provide me with another slice of humble pie (baked goods metaphors) at the end of the service this wonderfully cheerful woman turned to me and said something that both humbled and complimented me at the same time. She looked at my name tag, said my complete name, and said "have you ever considered being on the praise team." The praise team is the group of people standing on stage with the microphones, leading the singing. They have very, very good singing voices. She completed her statement with "...because standing here next to you, hearing you sing, was so good, such a blessing to me. I think others deserve to hear you too." So, there I stood trying to respond; the obessive-compulsive wound-too-tight idiot who was irritated by sitting too close to a wonderfully kind and considerate person with a cheerful and encouraging spirit. All I could say was "Thank you, I very much appreciate it, I may consider that." That was all I could come up with, because at that time I was on the verge of...well, you figure it out.

The photo at the top of the post is one taken by my daughter, Megan. She covered her school play last Friday, she is quite skilled at photography.

Field of Weeds

I drove up to our lake house to get away for a couple days, and to do the routine mowing, trimming, bug spraying, etc. I always look forward to my visits there. It is in a tiny town on a tiny private lake, very quiet, slow paced, and relaxing. When I arrived just an hour or so before sunset I looked across our yard and our adjoining property to see what could only be described as a “Field of Weeds.” I assume you have heard of the movie “Field of Dreams”, in which, Kevin Costner plays the role of a man with a vision to build a baseball field out in the middle of nowhere. This dream came to him when he is visited by Ray Liotta who plays the role of the late Babe Ruth (I think) who visits Kevin and tells him “if you build it, they will come.” By the way, Ray Liotta scares the heck out of me, especially when he laughs. There is something about the intensity in his eyes and the tension in his face, particularly when he laughs. Some people are scared of clowns, I’m scared of Ray Liotta. I’m straying from the point.

Getting back to our lake property, as I looked across the property I see that the entire one acre area is covered with what I call “speargrass”. The speargrass is waist high so walking anywhere on the property results in collecting multiple “spears” in my clothing. When I was young, my friends and I would remove the spears and throw them at each other, which was fun because they flew very straight and stuck in the target easily. We could never get them to stick into someone’s skin, it would just stick to clothing. Okay, I’m straying again.


As I unloaded the car and surveyed the “field” I concluded that I would be spending more time than expected doing the mowing. Speargrass is difficult to mow. It is wiry and tough, and tends to just get bent over. To make sure I’m actually cutting it rather than bending it over, I have to set the transmission to a lower speed so the blades have more time to cut. If I run at the normal speeds I just end up flattening all the weeds, which is great when I’m making crop circles but not when I’m mowing the property. It was no “Field of Dreams,” and I knew that if I mowed them, they would come…back.


Mowing, particularly when using the lawn tractor, is actually pretty relaxing “work.” While mowing I tend to think, mull things over, and philosophy. As I make two and three passes over certain sections to finally cut the weeds down I’m thinking, “weeds happen” deal with them, but don’t agonize and fret and complain. This is a problem I have suffered with for most of my life, not actual weeds, but the “weeds” that show up in my life. The weeds I’m referring to are conflicts in the workplace, harmful and hurtful actions done to me by others, difficulties in relationships, unfulfilled needs and desires, unrealistic expectations placed upon me by others and myself, tiring and seemingly endless work to pay the bills, and stuff just wearing out and breaking. I probably don’t have any more “weeds” in my life than most people, in fact, my “weeds” are nothing compared to what many people in the world have to deal with. My problem is with my focus. I focus and fret and agonize over the weeds when I should be focusing on the dreams (vision) that God has placed in my mind and heart.

I work hard at everything, and I put a lot of energy into pursuing the dreams I have of serving God through a full time media ministry, and actually creating the ministry rather than just working in one. My focus has been detrimental to this pursuit. My focus all my life has been on the weeds, the negatives, and that has resulted in an unhealthy level of pessimism and cynicism. A little of those “isms” is beneficial because it instills some necessary caution, but too much drains my energy, steals my joy, diminishes my vigor, damages my health, and so on. Based on some feedback I have had over the years I think that my focus on the weeds and the resulting pessimism has mutated the natural drive, energy and enthusiasm into an intensity and tension that makes me difficult to be around; and maybe a little scary. But not as scary as Ray Liotta! I’m in my early 50;s, but it was only about 8-10 months ago that I realized this. Unbelievable! I read the book “Learned Optimism” and it was eye-opening. I also read “Every Day a Friday” and “How to be a Winner” and they each helped me to understand my struggles. So, for the last several months I have been re-programming my thinking. I only give the weeds the time needed to attend to them, then I spend as much mental energy as possible on the positive side of life. When I am realistic about it, and when I recall the truth in Romans 8:28, even the weeds and the time I spend “weeding” results in something good. I have a ways to go with the re-programming, because old habits die hard (and die hard 2-die harder, and die-hard 3). I have again strayed from the point. My point is, I'm seeing benefits of the re-programming, though it is not 100% complete.


I love it when I hit a patch of wild onions with the lawn tractor and the whole area is filled with an aroma similar to an Italian kitchen. I’ve strayed again. To conclude this long-winded rambling blog, I want to simply share something that is probably so obvious and automatic to many people, but not to me. There is so much more good stuff in my life, and good stuff to be done, than the difficulties I have to deal with. Dealing with the difficulties is actually “good” because God uses those to improve me and others in my life. And, if I keep my focus away from weeds, I will have the joy, the energy, and the drive to do the good stuff that God has planned for me, see Ephesians 2:10.

Okay, I’ve mowed and trimmed and used the blower to clean all the walkways, and I’ve finished this blog. Now its time sit back, relax, enjoy the beautiful weather; or maybe I’ll go make some crop circles.

Tomato Plant

My inlaws have been providing us with fresh vegetables from their garden. We've had green beans, squash, and potatoes so far. I think tomotoes, my favorite, are coming next. They are both very good gardeners, something I appreciate very much though I do almost no gardening myself.

Most people believe that the results from gardening are in direct proportion to the skills and efforts of the gardener. Most people believe that the key ingredient to a garden yielding large volumes of tasty vegetables is a good gardener. This belief extends into all aspects of life, such as the level of success in a career, the yield of our financial investments, how our children turn out, etc. Most of us, including me to a great extent, believe that all outcome is the result of the hard work done by us. We believe that the level of our skill and the amount of our effort are the key ingredients to the quality of the results.

I don't want to be disparging to gardeners, but you couldn't even grow a single tomato plant if it were left entirely up to you.

Gardening is hard work. I understand that the ground has to be prepared, the seeds planted at a proper time at a proper depth, the ground watered the proper amount, the proper amount of light provided, and the weeds, insects and birds must be fought off constantly. Sure, as a gardener you have to do your part, but who is doing the heavy lifting? Who designed that seed? Who created the genetic code to turn that seed into a tomato plant? Who designed the system of roots, stems, leaves and flowers that are all just a support system for the tomato? And who caused that seed to transform into a much higher complex lifeform, rather than just rot in the ground?

We work, God makes it fruitful. Even the best gardener is only doing a small share of the work, God does all the heavy lifting and it is His work that overwhelmingly influences the outcome. Don't believe me? Cain was a farmer by trade, but when God quit doing His part, Cain could not grow anything. See Genesis 4:12.

This should take some pressure off of us performance-oriented people. I just need to do my part, I don't have to do it all, and I have only a small impact on the outcome.

The Whinery

The devotional I read today struck a chord with me. It reflected some thoughts that had been rattling around in my head over the past days/weeks. The topic of the devotional was about how God uses the pressures of life to improve us, improve our walk with Him, etc. The writer likened it to how grapes under pressure get the juice squeezed out, which can produce fine wine. It immediately hit me that too often I just produce a lot of whine! The writer actually mentions "whine" at the bottom of the article.

My whining is sometimes obvious to others, but usually I keep it to myself, so it outwardly manifests itself in other ways (irritability, impatience, indulgence, discouragement, etc).

This relates somewhat to "pain management" that I wrote about before. For example, over the past months I have had a pain in my hip joints. It comes and goes in intensity, but it is usually there when I get out of a chair, walk, sneeze, etc. For those who don't know me, I move fast. I walk fast, I jump from one thing to another, I get up, move, sit down-all very quickly, so I don't waste time in transit. My new-found pain slows me down a bit. I have a couple choices, other than medication. I can either complain about how unfair it is that someone with so much to do is hampered by pain, or I can be more sympathetic and patient when someone in front of me at the store is moving slowly. Maybe walking is painful for them. I can now relate to that. Now that scenario is less likely to increase my anxiety (I'm in a hurry and I can't get past this guy!) and more likely to prompt me to say a silent prayer for the struggling person, or perhaps give them a hand at getting something off the shelf and into their cart. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling with impatience, but the pain in my hip is helping with that!

I have been asking God over the past month or so to reveal to me the source of some of my persisting bad habits. I know that just trying to eliminate bad habits, without eliminating the source, is like cutting the leaves off weeds without pulling them out by the roots. So, I have asked again, and again, for God to show me the root of my bad habits. I think it is the whine.

I guess I need to ask forgiveness for all the whine I have produced, and ask for my eyes to be opened when given an opportunity to produce wine.

The photo was taken from my hotel room in a small town in the south part of Thailand. This is what these two guys did every day, the motorbikes are what they use to commute to their "office." Many, many people live this way. Many more live much worse. Shall I whine when a client provides me with a cobbled-up, noisy, uncomfortable office space, or shall I have sympathy for those who work and live every day in difficult, dirty, noisy, uncomfortable circumstances? Whine or wine. It is up to me as to which is produced.

The Cross

Our family watched "The Passion of the Christ" last night. I thought the kids were old enough to see it. It is brutal to watch, but a very, very important message comes through in that movie-the extent of sacrifice and complete hellish misery that Jesus Christ endured, all because of our sins.
As we came to the scene where the man is told to help carry Jesus's cross, I said out loud "what an honor to be side-by-side, carrying the cross with Jesus." Then I said to myself, "I wish I could have been there, and been the one to help carry the cross." Then just as that thought went through my mind I realized how short-sighted that thought was! Jesus has asked us (and me) to "pick up your cross and follow me." I CAN walk side-by-side with him, and bear the burdens that come with giving up pursuit of my pleasures to fully serve Him. I won't see him, and I won't have a physical wooden cross on my back, but I can have the honor of serving Him using the life, time and resources He has provided me.
After seeing the movie again, I came away with the thought that no matter what I sacrifice over my remaining years to serve Him here on earth, it won't equal even a few minutes of the sacrifice and suffering He did for me.
The photograph is of me and my good friend Pradit. Pradit lives in Thailand, and has graciously invested a substantial sum of money in my next movie. His is an encouragement to me.

Pain Management

I understand time management, money management and similar terms, but "pain management" has perplexed me. I know that many people with medical conditions have doctors talk to them about pain management, and I think that is okay. But, I don't think "management" is the correct term. Things like time and money are limited, and valuable resources. It is responsible to manage time and money, I get that. But "pain management?" I don't want to "manage" pain, I want to elimate or minimize it. Pain is not a resource, is it? Ah Hah! I was recently reading another book by Don Piper, and my perspective shifted. He was crushed and instantly killed when an 18-wheeler ran over his little Ford escort. He was dead for 90 minutes, then came back to life. He really didn't wan't to come back after experiencing Heaven, and he certainly questioned why God brought him back during his months of excruciatly painful, unbearable recovery. Then he figured it out. By experiencing extreme pain, he could now relate to others in extreme pain, who otherwise would probably not give salvation through Jesus Christ a second thought.
So, "pain management" now means to me to take the hardships that come my way, and ask God to use them, and me, to accomplish His purpose. I've had some pain, not so much as others, but I've had my share. It is not right for me to act like it doesn't exist, that is not helpful to anyone. What God wants me to do is "fess up" about the events in my life that hurt, and then use that to connect to others, to honestly "feel their pain" and let them know that they are not alone.
This blog entry may be confusing to you, but it makes sense to me.
The photo is of our dog, Sandy, at the lake today. She helps keep our family stay in focus.

It's Your Life

I have wrestled with my conscience/heart for many years over how I should be spending my time here on earth, what career it is that God would have me in. I have raised the question to others, including pastors, "Is it God's will that every Christian have a career as a pastor or serve in a full-time ministry, since all other careers are not fully devoted to serving Him?"
I always got the same general answer, which in summary states that we can serve God in many careers by being a good example, being a positive influence on and ministering to others, etc. These are good answers, but, it didn't quite get to the core of my sticking point. I read a devotional by Charles Haddon Spurgeon this morning, here are the pertinent parts:

-----------
"For me to live is Christ." — Philippians 1:21

In the words of an ancient saint, he did eat, and drink, and sleep eternal life. Jesus was his very breath, the soul of his soul, the heart of his heart, the life of his life. Can you say, as a professing Christian, that you live up to this idea? Can you honestly say that for you to live is Christ? Your business—are you doing it for Christ? Is it not done for self- aggrandizement and for family advantage? Do you ask, "Is that a mean reason?" For the Christian it is. He professes to live for Christ; how can he live for another object without committing a spiritual adultery?

- Charles Haddon Spurgeon
------------

At first as I read this I thought (as I have before) "Should I quit my job as an engineer and jump full-time into Christian media productions?" Quickly, before I could agonize over that (again) this answer came to me; "The point is to examine your motives. Your hands and feet can be in many places, it is your heart that He cares about."

So, I can't answer for anyone what they should be doing as "hands and feet" of God, but that we each must carefully and prayerfully examine our motives for how we spend our time.

This devotional relates well to the next movie that I am considering producing. It is a documentary exploring the lives of people who spend their time serving others, making life better for others, and making the world a better place. I still don't have a title. The potential distributor suggested titling it "Hands and Feet," I have considered titling it "It's Your Life...how will you spend it?"

The photograph was taken during production of "Spirits Among Us" while we were shooting the church service scene.

Have a Laugh on Me

Though I am guilty of it, I know it is wrong to have a laugh at another’s expense. In this case, I am giving you permission to laugh at my expense, so no need for guilt.

For those who don’t know me well, I like to keep everything I own looking and functioning like new. I fuss over little nicks and scratches, I don’t like leaks and spills marring the finish of anything. I like to keep everything neat, clean and orderly.

I came to our lake house this weekend to have a little break, and to build a ramp connecting our back yard area to the terraced area where our house is located. The change in elevation is about 2 feet between our backyard and the area in which the house is built. I wanted to build a ramp so it would be possible to drive our lawn tractor up into that section of the yard to mow it. I bought the lawn tractor used, but the owner had kept it in great condition so it looked and good as new. I like it that way.

I worked all day building the ramp. It was a more labor-intensive and time consuming task than I anticipated. I had mis-judged the amount of decking needed, so I had to make a trip into town to get more lumber. I had hoped to fit in some fishing, and maybe a nice walk in the woods, but the ramp job took all the time I had. After driving the last nail I decided to start up the tractor and try out the ramp. After working all day I was anxious to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I had some trouble getting the tractor onto the ramp, but I added an extra piece to the bottom of the ramp and fixed the problem. Just as I was at the top of the ramp almost onto the upper lawn, the tractor hung up. It seems that the transition was too abrupt and the frame hung up on the top edge of the ramp. I jostled and shook the tractor around and it moved off the ramp into the lawn area. I figured I would have to add a few pieces of lumber to the top of the ramp, but was generally feeling that my work for the day was a success. I mowed the lawn area in about 5 minutes. Before installing the ramp it took me 30 minutes with a weed trimmer to do the job. I was feeling like I had done a pretty smart thing building that ramp.

While maneuvering the tractor around the area I found myself getting pretty close to bumping it into obstacles, like trees, the stairway, the fence, etc. I thought to myself “your son will probably smash the front of this tractor into something when you ask him to mow the property, so don’t get all upset when it doesn’t look perfect anymore.” I guess that was a premonition.

I finished mowing the area, then headed down the ramp. The tractor got stuck on the ramp. Wanting to play it safe I shut off the motor, put it neutral, then stepped off to get it unstuck. I lifted and tugged and got it unstuck. Then, it began to roll down the ramp. I grabbed the back of the seat and tried to stop the tractor. It wouldn’t stop. It picked up speed rather quickly. I switched my grip to the rear fenders to try to get better control. I lost my footing and started down the ramp hanging on to the fenders and sliding down the ramp on my behind. I quickly looked left and right, making sure no on saw me (this is an automatic reaction, hard-wired into the genetic code of all men). I popped myself back onto my feet and began running behind the tractor. I was grasping at anything to regain control of it as it picked up speed heading down the steep slope of our backyard. I flailed at the steering wheel and managed to prevent a direct collision with a tree. In retrospect, that may have not been a wise move. The tractor hit a glancing blow to the tree then began barreling down the sharp decline headed towards the storage shed. I was no longer keeping up with the tractor. The redirection after hitting the tree slowed me down a bit, so at this point I was just running and flailing at the tractor, but having no effect at slowing it down or steering it away from the shed. The tractor picked up speed for what seemed about 30 minutes (actually about 0.75 seconds) then after reaching terminal velocity slammed head-on into the side of the shed. The side of the shed deflected about 3 inches, and I think the rear wheels of the tractor came off the ground when it stopped. I heard items falling off the shelves in the shed.

I was moving so fast that I couldn’t slow down before bouncing off the tractor and landing on the ground next to it. I sat on the ground, processing what just happened. Oh golly! Those weren't my exact thoughts. I am certain that if someone had a video camera trained on me this would have made “America’s Funniest Videos.” I am so grateful that no one had a camera.

With great effort I pulled the tractor back off the shed. The sheet metal is bent, both headlights are popped out, and the cowling doesn’t fit right anymore. I don’t have to worry about my son messing up the tractor. I beat him to it.

Freedom and Jugglers

I watched "Braveheart" this weekend. It reminded me that freedom is not free. Actually it is quite expensive. I recommend watching the movie if you have a strong stomach. I think I need to write my congressman and senator more often

Brain Drain

It has been a very, very long time since I have updated this blog and my Spirits Among Us blog. It isn't that there haven't been things to talk about or share, I've just had 100% of my time and creativity absorbed lately. I am grateful that I have not been traveling abroad lately, because it has given me time to work on two very important projects; my next film and a Christian media event.
It might appear to some that I have too much on "my plate" and I question that myself sometimes. But it always boils down to this, I am doing what I believe God is leading me to do, so I can't ignore any one of them, I have to pursue them. I used to use an analogy concerning my work in secular business (engineering) and my work in ministry business (Christian movie production). I likened it to having one foot on the dock (secular) and one foot on the boat (ministry). That was easy until the boat began moving from the dock. Eventually was going to have to either jump onto the boat or onto the dock, because my legs were getting stretched far apart.
I prayed about this often. It has been my desire for quite awhile to have a full-time ministry career. Yet I am still straining with one foot on the dock and one foot on the boat. God revealed to me three truths.
1. It is not a dock and a boat, but two boats, that I have my feet on
2. God is steering both boats
3. God is helping me to grow longer legs

Here is what this means in the real, non-analogy world:
1. I am doing what God wants me to do
2. I am moving in the right direction, His direction
3. He is helping me to manage people and multiple tasks better, without becoming overwhelmed
4. He is helping me to form teams that help me in achieving the goals He has set before me
5. By getting other people (teams) involved, God is able to use these activities to help them grow in their discipleship.

That is it for now. Please visit www.pottersreel.net to learn what we are doing with this conference. Please visit www.spiritsamongusmovie.blogspot.com in a few days to learn about the next movie we are working on.

Have a blessed day, thanks for reading.