Teaching Cats to Bark

I just got back onshore, we completed load testing of the equipment. Whew! That is a huge relief. There is still work to be done to tie up the loose ends of the project, but the critical milestone has been achieved. I have lived through worse nightmares, but this one was difficult enough. I was trying to commission equipment that the rig crew did not want, using their crew (thus taking them away from their normal duties). The majority of the crew members had almost no understanding of the equipment, and were not trained nor qualified to do the work that had to be done. I had workers who welded for a living trying to assemble and adjust complex machinery. I had workers who painted for a living trying to install control lines for a complex crane control system. Most of the work had to be conducted 20-30 feet above deck. Oh, and 99% of the workers spoke no English. And none of the workers would look at any of my drawings or written instructions, which detailed the work to be done. To summarize, I had to orchestrate a difficult job under very difficult, almost absurd circumstances.

This brings me to the meaning behind title of this post. From getting the equipment fabricated, assembled and partially tested onshore, to its final testing offshore, I have felt like this project was as difficult as teaching cats to bark. I have been working with very good, well meaning and hard working people. But, by necessity, I have been directing them to do things that are incredibly unfamiliar to them. Between the language and culture differences, and the huge gap between their training/background and the tasks assigned to them, it is nothing short of a miracle that the project was completed at all. I learned a lot from this experience.

First, I will do what I reasonably can to avoid another situation where we conduct the project under absurd conditions. Second, I have to keep my expectations within reason. If I am in a situation where I am expected to “teach cats to bark,” I have to expect progress to be slow, and difficult, and not let that get me down. For example, if someone asks me to paint their house, then hands me a toothbrush, I can’t expect to finish that job in one day. Third, I need to pay closer attention to what people are capable of before setting goals for them. When I inadvertently task them with something beyond their capability, I set them up to fail, and that gets them down. Fourth, I can’t teach cats to bark. They won’t do it, ever. There are some things that will just never happen no matter how much energy I pour into them. I need to recognize those situations and not wear myself down trying to make the impossible happen.

God has interesting methods of growing me up.

The photo is of one of the cranes lifting a 3,000 lb load. We tested up to 11,400 lb.

This has been a boring post. The next one will be funny.