Infected

"You may be infected" is the subject of many junk emails I receive trying to sell me anti-virus software for my computer. For some reason when I saw one of those while clearing out my junk email, it took on a new meaning to me. I think it is true that I am infected. I'm talking about me, not my computer. I have anti-virus software on my computer that seems to work well. It keeps out the malicious programs that can potentially cause my computer to malfunction, or even crash.

Unfortunately, I am not so sure that my own personal anti-virus protection is all that good. I am exposed all day to malicious material that can infect my mind and cause all types of malfunctions, even to the point of physical malfunctions. I am exposed to false teaching, false promises, mis-representations, dysfunctional behaviour, etc. Some of these things I am exposed to just in the normal daily activities that I must perform to exist and contribute to this world. Others I expose myself to due to my own lack of self-control. For example, I've seen a few movies that contain material that contain profanity, blasphemy and glorify dysfunctional behavior. I don't need to see those.

The point is, I was very clearly infected, as I realized when I read the book Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer. I was letting my mind focus on many harmful and false thoughts. It was poisoning me, and had been for many years. There were many sources of these thoughts, and those sources still exist. Some I can avoid, others I can not. So, how do I install and continually update my anti-virus protection so these infections don't take hold and make me malfunction? The answer for me is to memorize truths that are stated in the Holy Bible. These truths turn on the light, and cause the darkness of lies to disappear. I have to live in this world, but I must be careful that I don't become infected, then conformed to this world. I have to constantly renew my mind with God's truth, as it is articulated in the Holy Bible. Romans 12:2 makes this point fairly clear to me.

For an example, if someone does me an injustice, or they treat me in an evil manner, one of the first series of thoughts that grind through my mind is "how do I rectify this, do I get revenge to prevent this from happening again? Do I just let it go and try to pretend it doesn't matter?" These thoughts can grind on and on causing stress about the indecision about what to do, or not do.

Here is what the Bible says to not do:
Don't pay back evil for evil (Romans 12:17, 1 Thess 5:15)
Don't take revenge, God will do that (Romans 12:19, 1 Thess 4:6)
Here is what the Bible says to do:
Show love, pray for the person who mis-treated me (Matt 5:44, Romans 12:20)

So, with those truths firmly in my mind, every time thoughts of revenge or seeking justice start darkening my mind, I just turn on the light of these truths. The indecision, the concern over "what to do", and the related stress dissappears because I know I am following God's will and that He has the job of righting wrongs. I know it sounds so obvious, maybe I am just slow to learn, but actually putting this to practice every minute of every day is not natural for me. I get opportunities for infection almost every minute of every day, so I need 24/7 protection. As I memorize more truths (update my anti-virus database) and monitor everything I am seeing/hearing/thinking/feeling and evaluate it against the truth (enable real-time virus protection) I am finding that my mental state is steadily improving, and my ability to function is steadily improving.

I guess I should take a few hours (or days) to do a thorough scan and delete any malware that is detected. Maybe that is a good way for me to spend January 1, 2009.

Luck or Intelligent Design ?

As my friend and co-worker drove us from his facility to the restaurant he said to me "It was lucky that I had the 10 x 69 I-beams in my yard so I could build the test frame for you quickly." What he was referring to was the test frame we will use to load test a winch, winch support, and sheave support system that I had designed-before sending it to the rig. I had shown him the drawings while I was at his facility, and he had it built within about 8 hours. I had designed the test frame, the winch support and sheave support systems. My response to him was "Luck?, it was not by luck that you had the beams. You see, I knew you had to buy an I-beam about 40 feet long to make the sheave support. Since the sheave support only used a few feet of the beam, I designed the test frame to use the remainder of the beam. It wasn't luck, it was by design." The fact is, I used many common parts, plates, I-beams, and tube, to design all these parts so they shared common materials.

So, I pose a question to the reader. If you observe common features among various different machines, or various different life forms (very sophisticated machines, to say the least), what conclusion would you draw based on all your knowledge gathered from all your observations over all your lifetime? Would you assume it was due to luck, common descent, or intelligent design?

The ugly photograph is a shot of the rack drive and trolley assembly for one of the cranes I designed. These are being used on a oil drilling rig off the coast of Thailand.

Tapioca Development

This post is just a compilation of random observations and thoughts, with no cohesive theme, and no particular purpose. I hope you don't find reading it to be a complete waste of your time. Each observation or thought has it own title.

THE FISH IS BACK

I went to breakfast at the hotel the morning after leaving the rig. I turned the corner at the end of the buffet and saw...little tiny dried fish. Hallelujah!, they brought back the fish and got rid of the red cubes! I decided to be indulgent and have two bowls of my favorite rice/fish/chili pepper/soy combination. What a treat. I guess the waitstaff had grown tired of watching people spit their half-chewed red cubes onto their plates.

TAPIOCA DEVELOPMENT CORPORATION

I saw a large industrial building with a sign on it which read "Tapioca Development Corporation." It made me think, just how much can tapioca be "developed?" I understand how business plans are developed, I understand how car designs are developed, I understand that organizations of people develop, but tapioca? I thought you just made pudding and, ate it. Not much development. Later that day I saw a billboard that read "tapioca, the magical plant." So, there must be something to this tapioca, something that I am just ignorant about. I will have to look into this to see what drives this interest in tapioca.

SLURP SPOON

The Thai people don't typically use chop sticks, they use knives, forks and spoons. But, they use a specially designed spoon for soup. The spoon is made of ceramic. It is uniquely shaped in a manner that ensures that you will produce a slurp sound with every bite. I am not kidding, I have yet to figure out how to eat soup quietly using one of the spoons. The only way I can imagine using one of these quietly would be to tilt my head way back and just use the spoon to simply pour it into my mouth. I have not tried this, I don't want to look like a complete goofball in a restaurant full of people.

BAD BABY PIE

If you want to laugh hard at some quirky humor, see the movie "Waitress."

STRESS DREAMS

I periodically have stress dreams. They fall into three categories:
1. I'm back in school
2. I can't effectively write my name and phone number, or
3. I can't find a suitable place to use the restroom

I won't go into painstaking detail here, but will just provide an example or two of dreams in each category.
I'm back in school, I can't find the classroom and I am running late for a test. I find the room, then realize I forgot to study for the test, and on top of it all, I notice that I'm only wearing boxer shorts!
I'm trying to write down my contact information for a client, or someone else important. We are in a hurry, maybe having to catch a plane or something of that nature. No matter how many times I try, I can't write my name and number. Sometimes the paper is too small, sometimes it tears, sometimes the ink from the pen flows out and blurs the writing rendering it illegible. Time is running out and the frustration builds as I try over and over to write my name and number.
I'm at a friend's house, or maybe at a client's office and I have to use the restroom, very badly. I can't find a suitable restroom for the longest time. When I find the restroom and begin to relieve myself, I discover that it really isn't a suitable restroom and all. Sometimes I realize that the "toilet" is actually a flower pot, or maybe just a small drain on the floor. One time, I realized that I was having to aim into those little plastic holders used for storing contact lenses!
Upon reflection on these dreams, I believe that I might be a little bit insane.

TOWEL ART

The photograph is of a towel that I discovered upon checking into my hotel room. I have not seen one of these since we went on a cruise several years back. I think they are pretty cool.

Machine Design

There is something that popped into my brain around July of 2008 while sitting in a cafe in Thailand. The sun was setting and I wanted to take photos of people in the cafe using the natural light. The camera could not take a good photograph because the lighting was too low. I could see perfectly fine, the lighting was beautiful, but my very nice high tech digital camera could not capture the scene as well as my 48 year-old eyes could. That is when the question popped into my head. "How likely is it that after almost 200 years after invention of the camera, that the best scientists and engineers have not yet developed imaging technology that achieves the abilities of the human eye, but the human eye was developed and evolved to its current state of excellence by random undirected activity?"

The human eye can automatically white-balance, automatically compensate for changes in contrast and brightness, focuses imperceptibly fast between near and far objects, and only requires a lens of about 1/8 inch in diameter to do the job. No camera can do these things as well as the human eye.

Since that time I have been researching intelligent design and the general theory of evolution. I have just begun the research, so it is too early for me to state my final conclusion and the basis for it. But, at this point, I see serious problems with accepting the general theory of evolution as an explanation of the origin and development of life on earth. To define the term, the general theory of evolution proposes that the earth and all life forms on it were created by a combination of random, undirected activity and natural selection. The general theory of evolution does not require any intelligent life form to direct the process of development of the earth or all the life forms on it. Here are a couple more links relating to the topic:
From Discovery.org
From Answers.com





Just to prime the pump, I will toss out a couple observations:

Item 1:
For life to have started by accident, non-living matter would have to accidentally organize and transform itself to become a living organism. This process is defined as spontaneous generation. There is no evidence to support spontaneous generation. The fact that spontaneous generation is an unsupported hypothesis is taught in biology classes. No one has ever turned non-living matter into a living organism, so there is no reason to expect that spontaneous generation could happen by accident. But spontaneous generation is an absolute requirement for the general theory of evolution to be true.

Item 2:
Plants, animals and humans are examples of machines. By machine, I mean that elements are organized and programmed to peform a function. Living machines are much more sophisticated than non-living machines. Living machines can reproduce, adapt, change, and evolve. All machines require all elements to be assimilated and programmed precisely, or the machine does not function. It took tremendous thinking, planning, designing, coordination, fabricating and testing for us to just build three cranes for an offshore rig. The cranes are very simple machines. I firmly believe that there is not a sane person who has ever lived on this earth that would believe that, given enough time, those cranes would have come into existence without someone making it happen. There is no evidence that supports the hypothesis that random activity could ever result in disorganized elements becoming organized and programmed to perform a function. There are mountains of evidence demonstrating that intelligent life forms have created machines. We observe dams built by beavers, and hydroelectric dams built by humans. All observable evidence related to the creation of machines contradicts the general theory of evolution.

The photos are related to the topic, and related to another bit of evidence that causes trouble with the general theory of evolution. More on this later. Feel free to provide me with any data that contradicts what I have stated here. I want to be sure I have considered all the facts that I can.

Sunshine Cafe

I'm off the rig now. Whew! what a relief. The stress was fairly high, with the last 24 hours being particularly challenging. We worked until 10:00 pm, then I got up at 4:45 am the next morning to furiously complete adjustment and testing, since the helicopter flight was scheduled for 10 am. We finished, with about 5 minutes to spare.

When I got to the hotel I took a relaxing hot bath, then walked down to one of my two favorite restaurants, the Sunshine Cafe. I sat down to enjoy a hot bowl of Tom Yum Goong soup and an ice cold Singha beer and watch the sunset.
What a great way to unwind and de-stress. The young lady in the photograph has been studying English so she can work at higher-paying jobs.
I helped her with a few phrases, and told her how to say "thank you" in several different languages, since she serves people from many parts of the world. Pattaya is a popular tourist spot. I have tried to learn how to say "thank you" in each of the countries I have visited. It wasn't until I started going down the list of "thank you" phrases that I realized how many places to which I have traveled. Travel has its hardships, but it has greater benefits. For me, it helps me to have a better perspective on life, and what is important.

While sitting at the cafe, several thoughts came to mind, I jotted them down in my notebook. I have written several here. These are not profound truths. In fact, I have not given them deep, critical analysis to verify if they are universally true. I have simply written them here to share my thoughts, and maybe stimulate new thoughts:
1. Ignorance of the shortcomings/ills/hardships of life can promote a sense of joy and well-being.
2. Human connection, fellowship with people who find pleasure in your company, this is a primary ingredient of paradise.
3. Diligence, effort and honest intention are better than competance.
4. Competance without diligence, effort and honest intention is of no value.
5. Alive with life and personality, even if a bit messy, is better than orderly and sterile at the expense of personal expression.
6. The hardest worker is the most valuable, but they must not work so hard that they damage themselves.
7. Truly seeking God brings you to Him.
8. Excessive, prolonged self indulgence results in ugliness.
9. Happiness is seeing the truth beyond present circumstances.

So, those are some thoughts, for what they are worth.

One more note. I had a different perspective on this trip. Each trip has the potential for many problems, many of which are very difficult to solve, must be solved under difficult conditions in an abnormally short time frame, and may result in the client losing confidence in my abilities. It is always tough on me, as I happen to have a condition called "perfectionism." Anyway, this time I just kept praying that God would use whatever happens to glorify Him, and to help me to withstand whatever happened. The project did not go smoothly, we had several setbacks, and the client was not totally happy with the finished product, they were just agreeable that it was an acceptable product that will serve its purpose. I got a report back today from my client's, client's client (guys at the top of the food chain) that they were pleased with what I had done for the project, and were pleased with my contributions to it. So, I guess it has been a success, and God held up His end of the bargain (see Romans 8:28).

Asparagus Promotion

I noticed that my blogs on this trip have been largely food-centric. Food is one of the experiences I enjoy when I visit here, so I guess that is why I write about it so much.

Today as I took my walk I noticed a sign outside a restaurant. It advertised an "Asparagus Promotion." I thought that was a funny way to put it, I guess it has something to do with the translation from Thai to English. I like asparagus, but I kept walking, because I had my mind set on...curry shrimp.

I had this on one of my previous trips, I remember I loved it, so I thought I would have it as my "last meal" before heading offshore.
What I forgot was how messy it was. You have to peel the shrimp, so you basically dig into the plate of food and get the gooey curry mixture all over your fingers. That is not typically a problem for me, but if you have ever traveled to Asian countries you know that most restaurants don't have American-style napkins at the table. What they have is basically little squares of very thin paper. They are the equivalent of a single square of single-ply toilet paper. In fact, in some very informal dining settings, they actually put a roll of toilet paper on the table. I'm not making this up.

Anyway, so I sat there attempting to remove the mixture from my hands with these little pieces of toilet paper. If you have ever tried to handle toilet paper with wet hands you know that it just tears apart. So, what I ended up with was a pile of about 10 pieces of toilet paper on the table (one per finger) and little bits of toilet paper stuck to my fingers. The wind picked up and started blowing the little bits of paper off the table and scattered them around the deck area. I had visions of the waitstaff scampering around chasing after all the toilet paper generated from my dining experience. They didn't actually do that, or maybe they were so discreet that I didn't notice. After all, I was staying fairly focused on the curry shrimp. I did look up to see the waiter placing a huge fingerbowl on my table. He smiled and nodded his head, as if to say, "this is for messy Americans, you need this." Since the wind was blowing I could not keep any little squares of toilet paper in my lap. It would take about three of them to cover my lap, but the wind kept blowing them off. I soon noticed that I was dripping the bright orange curry mixture all over my beige pants. Great. I suddenly realized what I must look like with curry and toilet paper on my hands, my pants, the table, my beard. I wouldn't have been surprised to look up and see the waitstaff standing by with a water hose.

Culture

I had a special treat yesterday after work. We went to a local museum of Chinese and Thai culture. I did not realize the amount of Chinese influence in this country.


What I found particularly interesting were the number of statues of part man-part animal creatures, and lots and lots of dragons. I don't think it is just art and myth, I think there is something to it.
The man standing next to me is my good friend, Pradit. He suggested that we visit here today and he showed me around the place. The first photo is of a terracotta soldier. If you see "The Mummy Returns" you can see these in the movie. The movie is not totally accurate, but there were thousands of these buried with the emperor (I can't recall his name).

Red Cubes

I pushed my luck today and tried another new item on the breakfast buffet.

They have made some changes to the buffet since my previous visits. There is a section with two types of rice boiled until it is a mushy soup. One is plain rice, the other has chicken added. Along with the rice there are little bowls of various condiments that one adds to the rice to flavor it. One of the condiments that is now missing is tiny little fried salty fish. It might sound a bit unsavory, but I actually like to put the fish in with the rice and add a little of the chili pepper sauce. Well, the fish is gone and has been replaced with red cubes approximately 1 inch in size. There is no label to identify the cubes, and they have no recognizable features associated with any food group that I know of. My positive experience with the green goo a couple days ago emboldened me to try more new foods. I decided to take a chance and toss a red cube into my bowl of rice along with some chili sauce for good measure.

The experience with the red cube was not so good, actually it was quite revolting. As I bit into the cube I discovered it was made primarily of salt, mixed with a small amount of...mushy food-like substance with an unrecognizable flavor. I swear it was saltier than eating pure salt. I don't know how that is possible. I couldn't get it out of my mouth fast enough.

So, if you are at a breakfast buffet in Thailand I recommend the green goo. Stay away from the red cubes.

Great Day

I had a great day in Pattaya. Completely un-scheduled, no appointments, no agendas, no objectives. What a blessing that is. I was able to watch a few of the World Cup Grand Prix Races, and walk around taking photographs. I was fortunate to capture this nice photograph of this cute little girl.

I am so grateful to be able to experience life and interesting people in so many places in the world.

Thailand, Green Stuff, Grand Prix

Well, I'm back in the land of smiles. It was a long, tiring trip but it went without a hitch. It was approximately 39 hours of travel from checking in to the airport in Houston to checking into the hotel in Pattaya. I barely had the energy to walk down the street for dinner. But the prospects of seeing the friendly people there at the restaurant and eating my favorite meal (fried sea bass with chili sauce) propelled me.

I was very pleased to see that they are on the last day of the World Cup Grand Prix Jet Ski competition, right here just a few blocks from the hotel. It is Sunday so the shop is closed and I have a day to recuperate. I get to go watch the races today! Wow, what an excellent, unexpected bonus!

I decided to try a new dish from the breakfast buffet today. I had seen it for some time at almost every breakfast buffet in Thailand, but it never appealed to me. It is thick slices of bread kept in a steamer, with a large bowl of green gooey looking stuff sitting next to it. I rarely see anyone get it, but I assumed one was supposed to get a slice or two of bread and spread some of the green stuff on it. The "stuff" looked to have the consistency of pudding and it had a homogenous pale green color. I was not sure if it would be spicy, salty, or sweet in flavor. Things are not always as they seem in foreign countries. Today I decided to try it. I understood why the bread was sliced thick, the steam made it so soft that it almost came apart when I picked it up. I slopped a blob of green stuff on it. I looked around to see if anyone was watching me, not certain if I was doing this right. After all, I wasn't even certain if the bread and goo were intended to go together. I could have been doing the equivalent of pouring maple syrup on spaghetti noodles, or putting ketchup on pancakes. I sat down, cut off a piece of the bread-goo combination, put it in my mouth, and it was...delicious. It was kind of a vanilla pudding flavor. I was too full for seconds, but I will get some more tomorrow.
Now I'm off to the gym and then off to the boat races!

Pile it On

What a day I had yesterday !
I am not saying that everything went wrong or I had a lousy day, I just had an "action packed" day that challenged my new resolve to keep focused on God and not get stressed-out or beaten down by the struggles of life. The pressures were actually due to having plentiful well-paying work, it just got a little overwhelming, like drinking from a fire hydrant.
Let me make a list and see if I can raise your blood pressure, I use terms like "client 1, etc." to avoid any legal issues:
1. Arrived at the office at 7:00 a.m. to wrap up details and attend a meeting for client 1 for project 1 so I could leave for my trip to Thailand for client 2 and client 3 for project 2.
2. At 7:10 I discovered that client 1 had an urgent project (project 3) for which I was qualified to do. It likely involved a trip to Vietnam in addition to evaluating numerous reports in the next several hours and days.
3. Went to meeting at 8:30 am, spent approximately 30 minutes defending my calculations to several very experienced Asian professionals.
4. At 10:00 am, apologized to meeting chairman for leaving meeting early to attend other meeting to discuss project 3 and project 4.
5. At 10:15 checked email between meetings and found out from distributor that I had to re-master the dvd for "Spirits Among Us" before leaving for Thailand in order to meet the January release date. I had made a mistake on the dvd I had sent earlier.
6. At 10:30 met with client 1 to discuss project 3 and 4. Found out that I may need to fit in a trip to Vietnam while I was in Thailand working on project 2. Also discovered that I needed to prepare a proposal within the next few hours to do project 3 and contact vendors to verify support for project 3.

Wait a minute! I just decided that it is not nice for me to do this to you. To wrap it up, the remainder of the day, which lasted until 6:00 pm went along the same lines as what you see in list items 1 through 6. I rushed from the office to the movie theater to have a date with my wife, which was a very welcome break from the hectic day. I worked until 2:00 a.m. after we came home from the movie so I could finish up the most urgent work. Then I woke up at 7:20 am so I could see the kids off to school and do the remaining work before leaving on my trip. Are you nice and relaxed now?

Now I am in the Los Angeles airport for a 5 hour layover. Five hours.

So what is the point of this rambling? Yesterday I called my client/co-worker/friend/counselor/brother in Christ to vent all my frustrations. He said, "great, here is an opportunity to see if you really believe Romans 8:28 as you say you do." He was correct. I had a paradigm shift at that point. I realized that:
a) I was stressed because I had bountiful work opportunities, even during a recession
and b) God would work out the "unfortunate events" for good, since I do love Him and I am called to His purpose.

My life is not "easy" but it is very good. God is very good to me. While I don't pray that those reading this blog are put through undue trials, I do pray that He blesses you through experiences that help you to grow nearer to Him.

I need to write a funny post, this one was too serious!

Renaissance Festival

We had a surprise event yesterday. We went to the Texas Renaissance Festival. A friend of ours had two free tickets, so we only had to buy two more for the whole family to go. As it turned out, our neighbors were going too, so we met up there and had a fun time.
The first three images you see below are of Megan on the bungee cord-trampoline device that gives you the ability to jump very, very high in the air. I didn't catch the name of the thing. You see from the sequence of shots that she starts with apprehension and ends with uncontrolled laugther.






The second three shots are of my son on the same device. You can see he had no fear. He immediately started doing flips. I think he spun three times in one of the jumps. I believe he had fun.





The following are a couple random shots, including our neighbor's daughter getting her head chopped off. It was a different kind of event, with different kind of people, and all very fun.

Thanks

We are in the fast-paced holiday season now. Once Halloween arrives it seems (to me) that time accelerates until we get to New Year's day. It is a great time of year, I wish it lasted longer. We just had our Thanksgiving celebration. We had my parents, my wife's parents, my nephew and his friend over to our house. We ate more than necessary. It was a nice time to spend together. I can't make a complete list of everything that I thank God for, but here are a few things that come to mind:
1. A wife to spend my life with
2. Two kids to experience life with
3. No major accidents or illnessess
4. Time to spend with my parents and in-laws
5. Plenty of good-paying work (even during tough economic times)
6. A growing relationship with God through Jesus Christ
7. Experiences and friends all around the world

I pray that I never forget to be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving, enjoy the Holiday season!

Honor

We had a great evening. Our daughter was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society. We are proud parents. Not proud in the sense that her accomplishment reflects on us, or is proof that we are good parents. We are proud that she has worked hard and put her best into her schoolwork. She used her time wisely to do the job at hand (schoolwork) to the best of her ability. We are so pleased that she is honored for her dedication and accomplishment.
In an era where people become "celebrities" because their father is rich and they are spoiled, it is great to see a bunch of young boys and girls get recognized for doing their best at something that will have a positive impact on their lives and the lives of the community.

I Liked Waiting

For the first time, I actually was happy about having to wait in line. I went to the voting location at my normal time, 7:00 a.m. I have been voting there since we moved here in 1996. I have never, ever had to wait in any line. Today the line ran out from the voting room out nearly to the street. There were around 80 people in line when I got there, and almost that many when I left 40 minutes later. I did not grumble about having to wait, I was happy to see that people were exercising the privilege to vote.
I am definitely not a political activist, but I have to say that I encourage everyone who has not already done so, to go stand in a long line, then vote of course. I also encourage people to look beyond the marketing tactics and look at voting records, to see what these candidates are really all about.

Homeward Bound

It has been a pretty good trip. I am in the Tokyo airport right now, just doing a quick post. It was sad to say "goodbye" to my friends in Thailand, since I don't have any trips planned to go back. That may have been our last visit. I should treat every goodbye as possibly the last visit, since I actually do not have a guarantee that I will see them again. I don't think it would be appropriate to get all sentimental and such, but just not to take relationships for granted. They are a blessing, and I don't know how long they each will last.
I used to take friends for granted. I thought, "hey, I can always make new friends, no matter where I move." Well, life has proved me wrong. It is not that I can't make friends, it is just that I can't replace the old ones, they are special and can't be replaced.
I can't wait to see my family.
Off to gate 22.

Say "Cheese" or "Lunch"

I had a reminder today that I am back in Thailand. I went to the client’s office in Bangkok for a pre-meeting before heading offshore. I found out that we hadn’t exactly followed all the rules in my last four trips to the rig, so today we had to do some paperwork that I wasn’t prepared for. The logistics coordinator asked if I had my regulation-sized visa photos with me. I was fresh out of those believe it or not. So, she replied “no problem, we can get them done here, follow me.” So, I followed her. We went by all the office cubicles, out the office door, took the elevator down to the lobby, then out the front door, across two lanes of traffic, between several clusters of street vendors, and into…a tiny restaurant. I stood there and looked around a moment while the logistics coordinator spoke briefly with the waitress. I noticed that all the tables were prepared with place settings and food. They were just minutes away from serving lunch for a pre-planned party. The waitress quickly moved a table in the corner about two feet away from the wall. Removed one chair, then spun the other chair around with its back against the wall. I noticed that the walls, on one side were “decorated” with a white non-reflective cloth, which apparently served well for the visa/passport photo background. They quickly set me down, whipped out a tiny tripod-mounted camera, had a brief discussion between themselves about framing (I assume that was the point of discussion), then said “cheese.” Within about 2 minutes of the flash going off the waitress had the table and chairs back in place and was seating the guests that were now pouring into the restaurant. Two photos popped out of a printer. She plucked them out as she whisked by, handed them off to the logistics coordinator, and resumed seating guests. What can I say? Welcome to Thailand.

A Good Paddling

I’m on my way to Thailand, again. This will likely be the last trip, which is both good, and bad. Good in that I won’t have any disruptions from my routine at home, and should be able to spend more time with my family and catch up with the routine work that gets puts aside while I travel. Bad in that I won’t get to see the friends that I have made there. I had just gotten through the flurry of activity that followed Hurricane Ike, and that surrounded the final post-production and premiere of my movie “Spirits Among Us.” That flurry of activity, plus the effort of negotiating my first distribution contract had me feeling like I needed a little R&R (relaxation and restoration). What I really needed was a good paddling.

So, I loaded the birthday gift my wife bought me (a kayak) onto my car, and took off for an afternoon of kayaking. I used to kayak or canoe on a regular basis, but those types of activities, like many other recreational activities had been put aside over the last several years to make room for more important activities. It is interesting that I typically think of recreational activities as just something you do that has no fundamental value, just a frivolous luxury. But, it actually re-creation, a kind of restoration that lets you get back to “who you are.”

It was not until I went without almost all forms of recreation for several years that I started realizing the value of them. I’m just now starting to schedule-in recreation as part of my “to do” list. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you know that if I don’t schedule it, I don’t do it. While the kayak and I glided down the waterway I could see God all around me in His creation. Everything was quiet, even my mind. Anyway, here a few photos of a mighty fine paddling I had last Saturday.

Too Much Fun

I could not figure out what to title this post. The past two weekends have been quite “big” for me, and they followed just after the two-week recovery from Hurricane Ike. It has been an exhausting month, mostly fun, but definitely exhausting. I just had the premiere showing of my movie “Spirits Among Us.” It was my first feature-length film, and I just recently completed all the post-production, so the weeks leading up to the event were filled with preparation activity. In addition, on the prior weekend we had a guest, Rich Christiano, visit with us and show his movie “Time Changer” at our church. Getting his event prepared, promoting it, then helping run the event was great fun, but it consumed some energy. Of course, just two weeks prior, Hurricane Ike pummeled us. We had gotten our electricity back on just a few days prior to Rich’s arrival. I can’t say the Hurricane was fun, but some very good things came out of it. We thoroughly cleaned our refrigerators and freezes, the kids learned to do activities other than electronic games, we got to know our neighbors better, and we got to endure a little hardship together as a family-which is actually good for relationships in my opinion.

So, I’m exhausted and life is switching back to “normal” mode. After I get rested up I’m sure my brain will take off running again with new ideas for media projects. So I will probably switch back to “abnormal mode” in a few weeks, which for me is actually more “normal.”


The photos are of my car parked at our lake house with so many branches down that the driveway is blocked, a turtle that showed up in our yard after the storm, and a scene from the movie premiere. Visit my other blog SpiritsAmongUsMovie.blogspot.com to learn more about that.

Too Busy to Blog

What can I say? Visit my movie blog "Spirits Among Us" to find out what I'm up to. I'm sorry that I don't have time to write much more. It is a good, busy time.

The Edit's Done!

Post-production of my movie "Spirits Among Us" has absorbed much of my time and energy lately, but the editing portion is done. I still need to author the dvd, finish the dvd cover art and poster, and plan the premiere party, but having the edit done is a huge milestone.
You can read a bit more at my movie blog "spiritsamongusmovie.blogspot.com" if you like.
We also having been spending a lot of fun time out on our boat. That is great fun. I bought a kneeboard and the kids are loving that. I will bring the camera next time a grab a few photos.
I saw a hearse today. It had dual chromed exhaust pipes. I have never before seen a high performance hearse. I guess its for those who don't want to be late to their own funeral.
I was walking our dog today. While crossing at the crosswalk at a 4-way stop a man left the stop sign and started heading right for us. I jumped back and pulled Sandy (our dog) back with me, and the car stopped before getting too close. At first I was mad, but then I saw he was talking on his cell phone, and I realized he just had more important things to do. He was probably thinking "I'm on the phone, do you mind!"
I'm glad hurricane Gustav didn't wreak too much havoc. Praise the Lord for that.

Radio Silence

In my last post I mentioned that I was basically going brain dead between my periods of furious activity on my three projects. This weekend I got "away from it all" and spend a couple days doing maintenance on our lake house. A wind storm had blown down quite a few large branches that needed to be cut up and burned, and the lawn needed mowing. It is nice to take a break from mental work and constant communication and just have a time of silence and hard physical labor.

After a few hours of working my mind began to come alive again. Soon I was going over the remaining tasks on the project in Thailand and how to fold them all into the next couple months, and my mind began working on the Christian Media organization that has been brewing for almost a year now. But then something terrible happened. I had gotten the fire burning, which was no easy task since the wood was soaked from several days of rain. The fire was very smokey. The billows of smoke sometimes cast a shadow over the whole yard. As I piled branches onto the raging fire the smoke billowed even more. Then "it" happened. The phrase "old smokey" popped into my head, then the song "on top of old smokey" started playing in my head. It is bad enough when a song gets stuck in your head, and of course it is usually just one line of the song, and it just goes over and over. But what happened next is truly sickening, the words changed into the childish version of the song. The words of the song usually sung by very, very young children are as follows: "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed." So, that infantile chorus kept running over and over in my head to the tune of "on top of old smokey," for about three hours. Three hours! I'm not exaggerating to make a point, I was actually tormented for that long. I could not get it to stop! Dave Barry wrote in one of his humorous books that the only way to get a stupid song out of your head was to sing it to someone else and infect them. The "song infection" will then jump out of your head and into theirs. I agree it is not the nicest thing to do, but hey, sometimes it is just survival of the fittest. In my situation I had no one around to infect. I was considering calling the guy in Thailand (the one who called me late Friday night) wake him up, sing the one line of the song, then hang up. I didn't do it but it crossed my mind. The song finally left me, but not without first bringing me to the brink of insanity.

I came home after the weekend of work and solitude. It was nice to see my family. Tonight my wife made dinner, we had spaghetti and meatballs. Can you believe it? I excercised enormous restraint. I could have infected the whole family with that stupid song at dinner time, it would have been great fun. My considerate side won out over my childish side, this time.

Blog Shortcut

It has been a busy time. I am working on two engineering projects and trying to wrap up post-production on my movie, "Spirits Among Us." It is a good kind of busy, but busy nonetheless.

What I am finding is that this current state is consuming 100% of my mental and creative energy. I have nothing left for insights, or interesting thoughts to post on the blog. I'm mental, that is certain, but just not very creative right now (outside my three projects). When I'm not working on the movie or one of the engineering projects I have noticed that I have no thoughts in my head. It is very quiet, just kind of a hollow sound. No self-talk, no debates, no observations epiphanes or insights, just an eerie silence.

So, I am taking a shortcut and giving you a link to my movie blog, here it is:



www.Spiritsamongusmovie.blogspot.com

Overdue Appreciation

I decided that this post was important enough to reference it in both my blogs. Please click the link below to go to my "Spirits Among Us" blog to read my post "Overdue Appreciation."

CLICK HERE PLEASE

Voyage

The title of my blog “Stumbling Toward God” isn’t just an attention-grabbing title, it is actually what I feel like I have been doing most of my life. I try to know God better, and serve Him better, but I seem to trip over many things and I often trip over myself.

I’m still learning that relationships hold a higher ranking than accomplishments. For some that comes easy. For me it does not. It is our voyage that is the goal, not the outcome of our efforts. It is a voyage largely into the unkown. I could be called the stumbling voyager.

Here is an excerpt from a recent devotional “My Utmost for His Highest” that articulates my thoughts well:

“We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.”


So, I’ve been trying to add “activities with other humans” to my daily “to do” list. If I don’t put it on the list, I won’t do it. Isn’t that “interesting.” An example of this is, last weekend I actually did very little “productive” activity. I spent a lot of time with family and friends, below are some photos to prove it. That was time well spent, even though I had to convince myself it was okay to not work for about 1 day. I’m learning.

The first photo is one of our new boat. If you look closely you can read the name of the boat "Voyager."

WebCam

Well I set up my webcam and skype account so I can talk with my friend and business associate in Thailand. I hope to set up connections with other friends and business associates. Here is a goofy little recording I did to test it out. I'm glad I got this, I needed something to fill the extra 15 seconds of spare time I have each day!

Engineering Nerdiness

Some of the things that I consider interesting, or even exciting, would bore most people to tears. I am evaluating new solid-modeling and 2D design software, and I'm really excited about it. Engineers typically design using 2D design software, and sometimes get to use 3D (solid modeling) software. Both programs are expensive, typically out of reach of individuals. The 3D stuff costs several thousand dollars. But...we finally have two viable competitors that offer nearly identical programs to the most popular (really expensive) ones, at about 1/5 the price. That is why I'm excited.

So...I've been hunkered over my keyboard the last few days fiddling around with these programs during the trial period, to make sure they are worth the investment. Isn't that just about the most exciting thing you've heard of? I doubt it.

Reunion

We just got home from my 30 year high school reunion. Wow, 30 years, no wonder I feel old-I am! It was great fun talking with so many people I hadn't seen in so long. It was interesting to learn what courses their lives had taken.


Some people were divorced, some never married, some have battled thyroid cancer, some are rocket scientists, some are ministers working for Pat Robertson, some are opening night clubs, some are airline pilots, some live in the U.K., some have lived in Australia, everyone has an interesting story.











I wish I had talked to these people more when I actually was going to the high school.

HFD

My family recently went on a vacation to California, it was great fun. We were there on Father's day. I have re-typed the Father's day card that my 12 year-old daughter typed up and printed using the Hotel's computer. These are the kinds of words I hope all Fathers get to hear, at least once and awhile. I am very grateful for them. Here is what she wrote to me (verbatim, I didn't even have to correct spelling):

"There are not enough words to express how grateful we are to have such a great Dad. Not only do you come to our ceremonies and games, but when you don't you're somewhere else working as hard as you can to suport us as a family. We also want to thank you for the small things you do for us, like making dinner or picking out a wonderful movie for us to watch together. Not to mention that you're the reason we are now on vacation. There, of course, have been some challenges this Father's Day. We had hoped to bring you cards we had already bought and signed, but unfortunately we forget to pack them. We wish you a wonderful Father's Day anyway, to the best Dad anyone could ask for!"

I'm a fortunate father to have a daughter like that, wouldn't you agree?

The Void

We’ve all heard it before, and we understand it intellectually, but remembering it and practicing it in our daily lives is difficult. We all have a void in us. We all have this sense of incompleteness. We try to fill the void with activities, productivity, projects, sports, food, various pleasures, etc. The list is endless. These never properly fill the void, but just offer temporary relief of our sense of incompleteness.

In September of 2007 an event occurred in my life that made me acutely aware of my void. Until recently I have felt the pain, the emptiness, like hunger pains, but more focused in the center of my being. I tried to fill the void with activities, immersing myself in my work, but it never brought lasting satisfaction. The Creator put a hole in my being that only can be filled with one thing. That is right, you know what I’m talking about, I’m talking about a boat-shaped hole. You see, I sold my boat last year, and have been feeling empty and incomplete ever since. Only a boat can fill that void, anything else just brings temporary relief. So, coming to terms with this truth, we bought a boat. It is a big boat, and we love it. My family is back on the water again with me and it feels great!

The photo is a manufacturer’s photo of a later model version of our boat. I haven’t taken photos of our boat yet, I’ve been too busy driving it around the lake. Yee Haww! I love boating.

Mountains and Molehills, Forced Perspective

The photograph is of one of three cranes that I designed undergoing load testing on a rig offshore in Thailand. This project is what has consumed most of my life since October 2007. The load test was a success. The load could be lifted and lowered 35 feet, moved fore and aft 50 feet and inboard and outboard 25 feet. Passing the load test was a huge relief, but that is not the end of the story.

I was going to title this post “Failure, When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough” but that was just a bit too cynical, and it puts the emphasis on the wrong way to approach life. This post starts out gloomy, but has a happy ending.

I recently experienced a few events that triggered a lot of negative and stressful thought patterns about my self, my life, and life in general. I was informed by one of the rig managers that they decided that the crane control system (that I designed) was unsafe and they won’t use them. Even though we passed the load test, the controls were not good enough. So, I have to design a better system and go back to Thailand to install and test it. I failed to design a suitable control system. I usually didn’t finish that sentence when I repeated it in my mind. I just stopped at “I failed.” A day later I got a call telling me that another crane I designed failed during testing. I failed to consider a load case scenario in my analysis. So, I had to design some reinforcements and the client will have to re-work all three cranes. Again, all I really needed to remind myself is that “I failed.” My visit to the doctor revealed that my diet and exercise routine has failed to reduce my blood pressure and cholesterol levels. In fact both had increased considerably. Now I’m on more blood pressure medication and taking medication to lower my cholesterol. When I tell people of my cardiovascular troubles, many quickly give me their opinion of the problem, “too much stress,” “too much red meat,” “not enough exercise,” etc. Though well-intended, these answers all point to me failing to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Once again, “I failed.” If all other aspects of my life were in perfect harmony (marriage, children, etc.) these other events would be easier to handle. But, that is not the case. To make matters worse, I started doing a quick review of my past failures, being careful not to leave any out. So, I have been crushed for the past couple weeks. That is how I best describe the feeling, crushed. But I didn’t need to be, it was completely unnecessary.

I struggle with keeping my perspective properly proportioned. What I often do is what some people call “making a mountain out of a molehill.” I prefer to think that I suffer from “forced perspective.” This phrase refers to a technique used in photography and filmmaking to convince the audience that an object is larger or smaller than it really is. Here is the definition from Wikipedia:

“Forced Perspective is a technique that employs optical illusion to make an object appear farther, closer, larger or smaller than it actually is.”

This technique has been used for many, many years and it is very effective. It was used in “The Passion of the Christ” when spikes were driven into the actor’s hands. Forced perspective can convince us that something is true, when it is actually false. It can convince us that something is relatively important, when it is relatively unimportant. The events that happened to me recently triggered a forced perspective reaction. I, with the help of a few others in both the natural and supernatural world, became convinced that these events have far greater significance and meaning than they actually do. I know that these things that happened are genuine problems with genuine consequences, and they have to be dealt with. What I have a hard time “knowing” is how big these things are compared to the important things in life. By “important” I mean important to God. Also, I have a hard time knowing the meaning of such problems when they come up. Often, I use this equation to derive the meaning (I’m an engineer, I can’t help it):

(Mistake in design + Problems raising children + Problems in marriage) x Health Problems = I’m a failure

You can see the equation is quite simple, anyone can use this equation and apply it to their own lives. I only recommend it if there is a desire to be stressed, irritable and depressed. But, God has stepped in and helped to take what I intellectually understood, and move it closer to my heart. I hope this perspective sticks with me, because I like it much better. Here is one of His equations:

(Mistakes in all endeavors + Problems in all relationships) x Health Problems = Human living on earth

He has revealed to me that my life on this earth is just a blip in the entire history of the world and the entire history of the world is just a blip in the entire history of the universe and the entire history of the universe is just a blip compared to eternity in heaven. So, just how much weight can my daily issues really carry? How much can it matter if I am “successful” in handling each challenge that comes my way? The precise amount as I have calculated it is, not much.

So, if “successful” achievements and resolution of problems aren’t so important, what is important? What is most important is my relationship to God and my relationship with the people in my life. More specifically, it is important that I seek to know God and serve him, and to know the people in my life and serve them. We all need to move closer to God, and help others move closer to God. What God is really looking at is not so much my performance, but my heart. He is looking at my motives. If my motives are aligned with loving God and loving the people in my life, then I am living successfully, and He is pleased with me.

I don’t have to fret over making the right decision. I don’t have to be stressed-out in effort to avoid making mistakes. I don’t have to worry about the outcome of the numerous “failures” in my performance. If I keep my motives aligned properly, then I will successfully be used by God to do the tasks that He has prepared for me (see Eph 2:10). If I love God and am called to His purpose, I can not fail, I can not be a failure (see Rom 8:28). I know everyone has heard these things before. But getting these truths into my ears, through my brain, down my throat and into my heart is a slow, painful process. I just hope I don’t gag and throw them up before they take root in my heart.

Family

I apologize for having such a long time span between posts. I've been busy, and trying to spend as much time as I can with my family. So, when I thought "hey, I'm going to run up to my office and write a funny post," I would cancel that notion and go spend that time with my wife or kids. I decided that they needed my attention more. It has become more obvious to me lately that relationships really out-rank the other activities in life in regards to having lasting value, and in regards to the beneficial effects.

My wife and I recently read a book "My Descent Into Death." It has been a real eye-opener for both of us. We also recently read "90 Minutes in Heaven." Each of these books reminded me about the importance of maintaining an eternal perspective. Sometimes (too often) my life gets really small. What I mean is that I am so focused on one little problem or circumstance that it becomes the most important thing in the universe, maybe even the only thing in the universe! That type of perspective has not served me that well. The world is big. I know that, because I've seen a lot of it. The universes is even bigger, and God and the heavens are even bigger than that. So, my little concerns that consume so much of my energy are about as significant as (insert clever and humorous analogy of your choice here, I've run out of time).

Good to be Home

I got home last night. It is so good to be with my family and familiar things. I haven't done much since I've been home. I relaxed in the front yard with my family and a neighbor, I took our dog for a walk, I went to the doctor to check on my various ailments, then made the mistake of reading emails asking me to get back to work.

The photo is of one of the many animals that visit our backyard. I took it with my new Olympus E510 camera. I just unwrapped that after getting home from my trip. The camera, not the squirrel.

Well, enough blogging for now-there won't be any revelations or insights in this post. I'm too tired.

Random Ramblings

Here we go. This is just a random stream-of-conciousness-kind of post.

South Korean people just staged a violent demonstration, people were injured, property was damaged, people shaved their heads. This is all because they (So. Korean government) agreed to import beef from America. Good grief! What is that all about?

I saw a heart-rending special on people escaping from North Korea. I had read about this before. Part of the program included a conversation between one sister who had escaped, and another who was debating leaving North Korea. The N. Korean sister said that her and the people were starving because they didn’t work hard enough, and because of all the enemies of North Korea making them suffer. Her sister said “what enemies?” She also said that they were told that their “Chairman of the National Defence Commission of North Korea.” Kim Jong-il was starving too, but his hard work and lack of sleep is what made his stomach stick out. There are people living in this world much different than the rest of us.

I hope I never, ever, take freedom for granted.

The rest of the world is really sick of the battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I’ve listened to people around the world talking about this, they are tired of it. They (people around the world) watch the presidential race because the whole world is affected by the U.S. President. Interesting, isn’t it?

Can you believe that Bolivian women wearing pleated skirts have started a wrestling competition. See photo above. Learn more at http://www.boingboing.net/2005/07/21/indigenous-women-wre.html

I am stuck here in the hotel room because my back went “snap” as I bent over to get my camera out of the bag. My back had been hurting for several days, I noticed it each time I got up out of a chair. But today was more spectacular. I actually could hear and feel the “snap.” Great. I have one day to have a little break and it hurts to even walk. My favorite activity is to walk the beachfront here, and make occasional stops at little restaurants along the way. Can’t do it, hurts too much.




In the UK, they name the pubs and bars in the most peculiar way. Some examples are “Bag ‘O Nails”, “The Rat and Parrot” and “Slain’s Castle.” I didn’t make those up. In fact “Slain’s Castle” is a bar that used to be a church. Hmmm. The second photo is of one bar in Scotland. I caught this moment in time with my camera. I thought it was an interesting combination. The girl gave me a dirty look after leaving her loved one and walking past me.

My back really hurts.

I get an unsettling feeling when I see 60-year old men with 20-30 year-old women here in Pattaya. I get even more unsettled when it is a old man with a young boy. I see too much of that here.

Okay, I can’t end the post on a negative note. Here is something funny. My good friend here in Thailand has an interesting use of words. He uses the term “she” much like many in the U.S. use the term “they.” He uses that word to describe people in general. For the first few weeks, I was convinced that everything he talked about involved a woman, including his description of Buddha. After the third week, I discovered the “code.” He wasn’t talking about a woman, he was talking about “they.” And you know who “they” are. “They” are the ones who cause all the problems, and should do something about all the problems, and so on. Generalizations like that really bug me. “They” should make a law.