Special, Like Everyone Else

I saw a T-shirt some years back that had the statement on it “You’re Special, Just Like Everyone Else!” It was intended to be humorous in a sarcastic way, but there is a lot of truth revealed in that statement.

I know the pursuits and desires of men and women differ, but I think all people want to believe they are special in some way. I am writing this from a man’s perspective, since that is the only perspective I have. I hope the points I bring up here have some application for women as well.

 It is clear to me that most men want to be recognized for their accomplishments. This trait becomes evident at a very young age. How many boys do stupid stunts on their bicycles or on the gym in the playground to get the attention of young girls and respect of the other boys? Later in life we move on to other feats to prove our physical prowess, if we have the ability. If we don’t have the physical abilities to excel in sports, we prove ourselves through academics or the arts. If we don’t have physical, academic, nor artistic abilities we become troublemakers. I was a short skinny kid, near-sighted in one eye, far-sighted in other. My lack of depth perception made it very difficult for me to catch or accurately throw a baseball. To this day I can throw a rock at almost anything, and miss. So, as you can guess, I pursued the arts, and academics rather than sports. As us men grow older we still want to be recognized, through sports, business accomplishments, the ability to attract beautiful women, our artistic or academic achievements, our excellent family raising skills, or for our criminal activities. One way or another, we want to be noticed. We want to be seen as special. We want to have an impact, either positive or negative.

Where does this desire to be seen as special come from? Is it just human pride? I think there is more to it than simple human pride. According to Matthew 10:29-31, we are very valuable to God, in a very unique way. He has numbered the hairs on our head. That requires very detailed knowledge, and very close attention, to each of us! It goes without saying that since we were created in His image, after His likeness (Genesis 1:26) that we are quite special. God’s knowledge of each of us began before we were conceived (Psalm 139:13, Jeremiah 1:5). We were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). What does “fearfully” mean in this context? Was God afraid He might make a mistake? I don’t think so. I think it may mean that God understood the significance of His creation of every single one of us. He had a great respect for each of us as he made His plans for us and created us. These truths are deeply ingrained within us, and reinforced through His words to us in the Holy Bible. I believe we seek to get validation of these truths during the course of our life. It seems to me that all our attempts to make an impact, to stand out, are our attempts to validate these truths. We want evidence that we are special.

But if all of us are “special” then doesn’t that mean that none of us are special? No two people are identical, even identical twins are not truly identical. So in that sense we are each special, like how each snowflake is different and therefore “special.” But just the fact that we are different does not fulfill our desire to be special. It falls far short of validating what the Bible says about us, and what I believe God has imprinted upon each of us. We don’t just want to be different, we want to be the best, at least the best at something.

I believe God created each one of us to fulfill a unique role in His plans for the human race, and creation in general. I also believe that He created every one of us to fulfill a unique relationship with Him. That is why He numbered our hairs, that is why he knew each of us before we were conceived, and that he created each one of us with reverence. It is beyond my comprehension that God can have so many “best friends,” “most valuable players,” or “very important persons” since I always have favorites. We each have a different role to fulfill, and each of us is uniquely qualified to fulfill it. No one else can satisfy the relationship needs and achieve the objectives that God has in mind for each of us. I expect in addition to our relationship with Him, we have relationships with others on earth that we are uniquely qualified to fulfill. We are the best at doing what we were put here to do, no one else can do what God specifically has designed us to do.



Finding validation of our uniqueness is something that we may not achieve during our lifetime. Living in a fallen world means that the consequences of sin tend to overshadow and blot out the truths that God wants for us to realize in our daily activities. Relying upon tangible accomplishments or the feedback from other are not reliable measures. We control only a fraction of what it takes to accomplish goals. People’s opinions are not necessarily objective. I think the only thing I can do is believe, truly, deeply believe, that as long as I honestly pursue His plan for me that I will be doing those special and unique things He created me to do. It will probably only be when I’m in Heaven that I will see what makes me stand out. There is a movie, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven.” It was about a maintenance man who believed he lived a completely ordinary and unimportant life. It turns out that he meets people in Heaven that show him the wonderful impact he had on the lives of many people.
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If I believe I have a unique purpose, and I pursue His will, then I’m certain my life will produce good fruit, even if I don’t get to see or taste it until I leave this earth.

The photos are several I have taken here at the lake, attempting to catch the beauty and serenity and share it with others.

Dragonfly Perspective

I occasionally go through time periods when I get angry with my circumstances, sometimes to the point of being angry with God. I’m actually pretty irreverent, hollering and yelling, literally. I’m not proud to admit that, but that is just the way it is. God hasn’t struck me dead for it, yet. I don’t mean to test His patience or try my luck, it is just that I sometimes go through periods when I lose hope, and lose my belief that He really even knows I exist, much less cares about my life. I realize that my tantrums are like a 2-year-old, in the corner, screaming and crying that their world is coming to end because the toy they have is the wrong color. That is probably how I look from His perspective. Maybe, maybe not.

Don’t get me wrong, by most measures I am living a great life, but, something is missing here.

I was in a grocery store a few years back. Just ahead of me were a mother and her child. The child, probably not more than 8-10 months old, was in the child’s seat in the shopping cart. His mom was busy unloading the contents of the cart on to the cashier’s counter. The little boy was struggling to reach his pacifier when he slowly just fell over. He bumped his head ever so slightly but fell so far that he was just wedged there, head against this cage he was in. He could not upright himself. He slowly began to cry. It was a cry of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness. Not the cry of an angry child, but one who was in a fix, and saw no way out. His world was coming to an end. All hope was lost. From his perspective, life would never be good again.

Dragonflies have always fascinated me. They are like little helicopters (actually they were designed well before helicopters). They can fly very fast, then just stop and hover. Often I will be fishing when a dragonfly zooms by me then lands on my bobber floating in the water. When I float in the lake dragonflies often hover over and land on my float, take a break, and then buzz away. They look so cool though, but sometimes a bit scary to younger children. I understand some children’s fear, because there are some parents that tell young kids that if dragonflies hear them say a bad word that the dragonflies will sew the kid’s lips shut! I know what you are thinking, but no, I did not make that one up.

I was relaxing on my pier today and something in the water caught my attention. I saw something disturbing the surface of the water. It was a dragonfly, trying to shake its wings dry enough to launch out of the water. I see dragonflies all the time at the lake. They buzz along and take quick (very quick) dips into the water to get a drink. They even do this when they are joined to another dragonfly, in dragonfly matrimony I suppose. They drop down then almost bounce off the water. I understand the urgency, lingering at the water’s surface increases the risk of becoming a fish snack. So, I watch this dragonfly for a few moments. He either was sick and could no longer fly or he mis-judged his water approach and got water logged. Considering how vigorously he was flapping his wings, he was healthy. I didn’t want to just sit there and watch him get eaten, so I got into the water on a float and paddled over to him. At water level I could not see his profile clearly. I was scanning the water waiting to see the disturbance from his wings. I saw nothing. It took me awhile to locate him and when I did he wasn’t moving anymore, just floating, helpless, hopeless. As I lifted him out of the water with my hand I could see that he was still very alive, just tired. I placed him on the pier so he could let his wings dry and regain his strength. He didn’t even move for about 10 minutes. He just remained still while the wind dried his wings. I wondered what was going through his dragonfly mind. Did he have any comprehension of what my hand was when I lifted him out of the water? Did he even know I was a few feet away, close enough that a bird would not come and eat him? Did he comprehend why he was safely resting and drying? I doubt it. He started doing the cleaning thing that insects do. His wings were fluttering from even the slightest breeze now, so they were dry. I got a few photos during this process. I decided to see if I could pick him up for a photo. I placed my finger in front of him, and he just climbed on. I thought he would back up or fly away, but he actually climbed onto my finger without prompting. Did he somehow comprehend that I was a friend and not a foe? He obviously knew I existed otherwise he would not have moved when I placed my finger in front of him, but did he understand what was going on?

The woman quickly put down her handful of baby food and lovingly up-righted her son, gave him his pacifier and consoled him. It was less than a minute from the time when he fell over to the point she picked him up. To him, it was probably an eternity.

When I was satisfied that I had gotten a good photo, I moved to place the dragonfly back on to the pier. Just after I lowered my camera, and before I began to kneel to place him on the pier he launched from my finger and headed for the trees. I think I heard him say “thanks dude” in a high squeaky dragonfly voice as he flew off. Okay, I made that up, he didn’t even look back. I never claimed that dragonflies were grateful.

I don’t even see or appreciate that God’s hand is protecting me, because I am so limited in my understanding. I know about as much about God’s plans, what is happening around me, and the world He created as that dragonfly understands why he didn’t drown today, or become fish dinner. I am stuck in my predicament, helpless and crying (metaphorically of course) with my head stuck in this cage wondering what is taking God so long to up-right me because I know I can’t do it myself.



God has lifted me out of my drowning state, he is fascinated by me, he works tirelessly to provide, and even has to stop in the middle of getting my provisions to pick me up because I’m stuck, or just too tired to flap my wings any longer.

KTF

I was packing for my trip today, listening to a radio station that plays both kinds of music, Country AND Western (1), when one of my favorite songs came on, "Live like you were dying." I also came across Ephesians 4:31-32, which instructs us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. It got me to thinking more on the topic of living a theme. In the song, the singer states that he became the kind of friend that a friend should be, and that he gave forgiveness that he had been denying. He also rode a bull and went sky-diving, but that deviates a bit from my point here. The song and the Bible verse brought something else to my mind. In church a few weeks back the rhetorical question was posed; “Where are you building your house, on earth or in heaven?” This question also fits somewhat with the question, "What would you want said at your eulogy? Or written on your tombstone?"

Hmmm, so perhaps answering questions such as these can help to define and refine my theme. This thought process led me to ask myself another question. Yes, I am sometimes accused of  “over-thinking” things, whatever that means. Here is the question, and some possible answers that popped into my over-analytical but small mind:
What would my last actions be if this were my last day? Would I engage every opportunity for a conflict or argument, and play to win? I wonder about that sometimes, that maybe I should be more assertive, make sure I get my way. Would I go about settling old scores, exacting revenge for past mistreatment or injustices? Sometimes it bugs me when I think people get away with taking advantage of others. Would I work as hard as I could to accomplish as much as possible in hopes of achieving something noteworthy in my few remaining hours? If my past and current behavior are any indication, that is exactly what I would do. However when I put these options up against the measure of scripture I realize “assert thyself” and “revenge is yours, the Lord is too busy,” and “work ceaselessly to accomplish great works to impress your fellow man” are only in my personal “marked up” version of the Bible. Do I really want my tombstone to read “worked most weekends, won some arguments, died with money in the bank, and kept his car waxed.”

I can only conclude that if I truly, deep down understood that my days are numbered, and I truly believed that God’s instructions for living are in everyone’s best interest, I would realign my priorities. My overall theme would have a different tune, and a different cadence.

So I would like to think I would make any apologies that are due, give people more attention than I give my tasks, and encourage and build up people. I would like to think I would appreciate more all the blessings in my life, and complain less. Maybe instead of buying a boat I would donate the money to build a church or support a ministry. I would like to think I would stop my work a bit early and make phone calls to family and friends. These are just a few applications of me putting people above tasks or achievement, putting my relationship with God above my own plans, of being kind and forgiving rather than assertive and vindictive, and building treasures in Heaven rather than accumulations on earth. So, since I don’t know my last day, and I know these examples I’ve just listed are representative of a Biblical theme for living that I wish to emulate, what is stopping me?

The photos here have no direct relevance to the topic, just snapshots I’ve taken in the last few months that represent the environment I live and work in. The last photo was taken just before my meeting with the Director of Technical Services at Universal Studios. God's hand has carried me to a point where I may soon be using my talents, training and background in the entertainment industry. I have a shot at fixing part of the Jurassic Park ride (the ride is safe, don't worry). If I can lead our team to do that well, we will be very busy with other projects.

Footnotes:
1. Classic line from the bartender in a scene in the “Blues Brothers” movie

Theme Song

I have been giving more thought to the subject of my theme. I can’t think of that word without remembering the movie “A Christmas Story.” In one scene, the teacher thinks up the worst punishment imaginable for the students, she makes them write (dramatic pause) “a theme.” I now understand the punishment better, as I am having a very difficult time coming up with my “theme” and writing about it.

As I wrote about this before I began to realize that I didn’t actually understand the meaning of “theme.” I understand rules, operating principles, and beliefs but what exactly is a theme? In older movies, and in cartoons, certain characters have a theme song that plays when they enter the scene. The villian has a foreboding theme song, the comic sidekick has some kind of goofy playful theme song. People decorate rooms based on a theme. Many amusement parks are built around a theme (theme parks). I looked up the definition, and even that was a bit vague, and the definitions varied. It is a specific quality or characteristic, and it has a unifying effect. As I mull it over, theme as it applies to a person is similar to motive. It is not the same, but it is similar.

I stopped typing and picked up the Bible, looking for the verse that states the God weighs our motives. I did not find it, and I knew I was not supposed to cheat and use my notes or an online searchable Bible. So I looked and read and this jumped out at me, the second part of the 9th verse of the 12th chapter of Romans:

1. Abhor what is evil. 

2. Cling to what is good.

If my theme for living were to just be made up of those two characteristics, I would expect a pretty good outcome. The advantage of pursuing a theme rather than a dream or goal is that I can actually achieve it despite my environment, current circumstances or future events. Pursuing a proper theme should lead to the best goals. There are numerous verses in the Bible where Jesus gives direction on how to live, I don’t know of any where he specifies what to achieve. I remember a statement I have read in many books on self-improvement, “you are where you are today because of the choices you made yesterday.” There is a lot of truth to that, but a lot of our future is out of our control. Trying to pick a specific outcome or goal for the future is not as simple as planning and carrying out a trip to, your favorite theme park. Our destination in life can vary wildly from what we planned because there are far too many variables beyond our control as we navigate through life in pursuit of happiness, wealth, fame, retirement, and whatever other goals we typically consider worthy.

I decided to back up and read the earlier verses in the 12th chapter of Romans, to understand the context. What is being said here is that we have each received gifts and we are to use them to minister. Furthermore we are to love without hypocrisy, abhor evil and cling to what is good. Love without hypocrisy? Does that mean that we are to be genuine in the way we demonstrate our love for others? The actual verse reads “Let love be without hypocrisy.” Maybe, true love is demonstrated when a person is genuine, not a poser, not wearing a mask, not saying one thing and doing another. I have to confess, I don’t have a lot of love for fake people. I guess you could say I abhor hypocrisy and duplicity. Did you catch that? I just admitted that I have a hard time loving people if I abhor their behavior. That is a tough one.

So I ask myself, if I were in a movie or a cartoon, what would the theme song sound like when I entered the scene? Would it be an ambling, aimless, laid back song? Definitely not. Would it be foreboding and menacing? I certainly hope not. Would it be the theme song of the tough, confident, invincible hero, like in the Clint Eastwood westerns? I wish. Or would it be like the theme song for the comic sidekick? I am starting to think so. Actually, I don’t think most non-fictional people can be summed up in one theme song, though someone has suggested that my theme song could be “oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way.” They were kidding of course. Yes they were.

The images you see in this post are random photographs I have taken lately, no unifying theme here.The last one is just after a test of a couple cranes for an offshore rig. I grabbed the controls and acted like a kid playing with his new toy just before he snapped the photo, to get a laugh out of the team there.

Theme On

My mom sent me an email a few days back, talking about pursuing a “theme” as opposed to pursuing a “dream.”  That statement impressed me, and got me to thinking about the implications. I have struggled for some time with this very subject, but the whole theme vs. dream statement turned the light on for me.

I am, as a follower of Jesus Christ, instructed to “seek first the Kingdom of God.” That is a pretty big kingdom, and that statement doesn’t really give me instruction for the day-to-day living. Also, I am to do good works, which God has planned for me in advance (Eph 2:10). That is a little more specific, but I may not know which good works I should put my time and energy into, because the world is full of hurting, damaged people who should have someone help them. I know that God directs my steps, so I know that I should (and mostly do, but not always) ask for His guidance every day, and with every decision. I read a book some time ago called “Practicing His Presence.”  This book explained the impact realized (by the author) by essentially talking to God all day, throughout every activity, before every decision, basically behaving as if Jesus was physically right there with him all of the time, counseling, consoling, advising, encouraging. That actually works very well, but it is hard to maintain. I am also instructed to pray continually 1 Th 5:17, which to me sounds a lot like the concept in “Practicing His Presence.” But, in Romans 8:26 it actually states that we may not actually know what to pray for. Well, that’s a big help.

So, my dilemma has been this: I achieve goals (dreams) by pursuing them. Taking all actions and making all decisions with that dream in clear focus. Read any of the millions of motivational books and you will see that this is the key to achieving YOUR dreams. And it actually works pretty well. But, as you have probably heard before, you  may work very hard to climb the ladder but when you finally get to the top you realize it was leaned against the wrong wall. Wow! Think of pursuing your life’s dream for 20-30 years only to find out it wasn’t YOUR dream, but it was your worst nightmare. Bummer. Or, maybe, years later in Heaven God shows you what  you could have done with all that effort-if you put it into His plan. I'm stressing just writing this.

So, what do I do? Wander about, live in the moment, have no dreams, hopes or goals, pray all the time (but not knowing what to pray for) and just see how it all pans out and deal with it?

I don’t think so.

This is where “theme” comes in. I now think I’m starting to get it, it has only taken me 53 wonderful years to “get it,” because I’m slow. The real focus is “what is my theme” rather than “what is my dream.”  By living by the correct theme, I can achieve the dream that God has planned for me. I don't have to know the end game, I have to know what to do now, today.  He is the one to direct my steps, so He knows where I should walk. I just need to walk ( not run, scamper, wander, limp, nap) according to the theme He has placed in my heart.

I’ve had some very excellent “luck” in my career life, but as I look at my life honestly I see that my “luck” would not have been so “lucky” had I not stuck with my theme for living, career-wise at least. What principles guide my thoughts, beliefs, words and actions? By the way, I learned to not underestimate the power of beliefs.  I read in a book by John Eldridge recently that principles are not enough, that a daily walk/conversation with God is an absolute necessity because life has so many twists and turns that navigating without damage is impossible without a guide.

I’m not going to go into my theme in much depth here because that is not important, your theme is what is important to you, and you reading this. Here are a few key points on my theme. 
1) Honesty is essential, and must be exercised in a manner which is not inconsiderate of others, and must be exercised in a timely manner (don’t let it fester). I’ve done the former MUCH better than the latter.
2) Put others needs before my own. I’m actually pretty good at that.
3) Place relationships at a higher priority than accomplishments. I miss that one about half of the time (see I’m Honest).
4) Be nice to animals, except mosquitoes, wasps and roaches.

That is all, I’m not sharing my “theme” any further because I realize I need to spend some more time figuring out what theme has driven me all these years. I think I’ve lived my theme as it relates to career much more so than as it relates to relationships.

The photo above is from my time at the lake today. The dog “photo-bombed” the picture I was taking to show my friend what they missed by not coming out with me today. Dogs are such fun. This one is named Evander. His owner tied a bottle to his collar, so he (Evander) spent much of the day picking up “another” bottle out of the water and placing it on the beach where it belonged.

In the words from the song by Aerosmith, Theme On.

True Love, Gifts

Some time ago I took one of those tests designed to determine what character you would be in a movie. The movie was "The Princess Bride" and my match was Westley (played by Cary Elwes). I thought, "what, are you kidding? I'm probably more like the goofy and annoying Vizzini "(played by Wallace Shawn). Inconceivable!

But then I thought back on the test questions and scenes in the movie and realized that Westley's motivation for everything was, True Love. Of course the primary focus was his love for Buttercup (the Princess Bride), but if you pay attention you will notice that he has a love even for his adversaries. For example, he is engaged in a fight to the death with Fezzik (played by the late Andre the Giant). During the course of the fight he does not spew out words of hatred and blood lust, he just calmly approaches the situation as another challenge to be confronted. He overcomes Fezzik without even injuring him, and they later become friends.

When I think about it honestly, my primary motivation actually is True Love. I don't always practice it perfectly, and I don't even apply to myself as well as I do with others, but that does seem to be at the core of most of what I do. As I have matured (gotten old) I seem to practice it better.
I have had many people ask me how I put up with so many difficult situations and people without lashing out in anger or retaliation. Many have stated that my ability to remain calm under fire is unbelievable. Some have said I'm too calm, but the outcome indicates that they were incorrect. The source of this ability is my True Love to serve God by helping people, and the Holy Spirit provides me with that gift.

You have probably heard that the term "love" has many meanings and is often mis-used. I can say that I "love" avocados, grilled fish, cruising at 70 mph across the water on a jet ski. But what I'm really saying is that those things make ME feel good. That is not True Love. I can even say that I "love" a certain woman, when "in love" may be the more accurate phrase because what I'm really saying is being with her makes ME feel good. When I develop True Love for a woman then I serve and help her without requiring reciprocation. I won't get into long-term relationships here, but for one to work, each must have True Love for each other.

I believe that True Love is the desire to minister to God's creations. Obviously the primary ministry is to people, needy people, hurting people, and people who just need support to carry a burden.  Another form of ministry would be to animals, rehabilitating them, saving them from danger, etc. I think True Love involves ministering (helping) when the opportunity presents itself.



True Love does not always have to be an intimate relationship between two people, or specific help to a hurting person or animal, it is often between friends and groups of friends. Just the sharing of life experiences and being in each others company has a beneficial, ministering effect.




 
From the time I was a very young child I had a "love" for turtles. One of the first words I learned was "tuttle." I always stop and move turtles off the road. I sometimes keep them for awhile, take good care of them, then release them in a safe place.Let's be honest, though turtles are interesting creatures they really aren't affectionate, they're kind of cold and self-absorbed. They have tiny brains, they don't coming running to meet me at the door when I come home. They don't like to cuddle or be held.The only time they come to me is when I'm holding a wriggling worm out for them to eat, then they walk away with it. So, my love for turtles is simply to take care of them, expecting nothing in return. They don't make ME feel good. I just help them as one of God's creations.

True Love involving people is difficult because it often results in rejection, and it can be taken advantage of (abused). I'm reading a book, and this statement hit home with me:
"We are tested through rejection and misunderstanding so that we can overcome rejection. If we are to accomplish the purposes of God, we must come to the level of maturity where "the love of Christ controls us" (II Corinthians 5:14)." So, the love of Christ, rather than the love of making ourselves feel good is what controls us, and experiencing and overcoming rejection makes us better at that, hmmm.

Many people (me included) hold back on practicing True Love, because it can result in pain. There is a line from a song "I'm going to love you like I've never been hurt before, I'm going to love you like I'm indestructible." When I think about this now, it brings new meaning to 1 John 4:18: "there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear."

In the next post I will cover gifts, and how those are given to each of us so we can demonstrate True Love to others.

Below are photos of Rowdy, the box turtle I just released, and PD (Porch Dog) who always comes to visit me at my lake house.

Who Am I and What Happened to My Zeal?

Wow! Has it really been almost two years since I have posted on this blog? Obviously I've had my attention, time, energy and efforts focused elsewhere. Which brings me to the subject of today's long overdue blog. I think I may not know who I am, again. And I seem to have misplaced my zeal.

I'm not genuinely concerned, I'm sure it will all come back to me. Hopefully sooner rather than later. So what brings me to this place? How does a person move through life, accomplish many things, develop many good relationships, live responsibly, have actions motivated by good intent rather than selfish gain, and get to a point where they say "hey! I vaguely remember a time where I had a better sense of purpose, hope and zeal, how did I get here?" I'm there now.

The various photos you see here are from my days of car racing, car building, and motorcycle riding. The Pinto was one that I completely rebuilt and modified, it outran several V8 muscle cars and was reliable enough as a daily driver and a trip from Hampton Va, to Atlanta Ga, to Orlando Fla, to Richmond Va, then back to Hampton Va-with zero problems. The photo with it painted red was the completed project. The photo with it still yellow was me racing it at Langley Speedway before I finished the bodywork. I did every detail myself, with my own hands. Very rewarding, even if the results were not perfect.


In addition to building and racing cars I was married for 22 years, raised a family, obtained my P.E. license, wrote and produced two feature films and several short films, worked at several companies as an Engineer, worked an Engineering consultant, was chairman of the board for a nonprofit organization for homeless families,  traveled the world applying my expertise to several specialized projects for oil and gas drilling and production, obtained two patents, and now am the Vice President of Engineering of a company that produces turnkey offshore oil drilling rigs. All that sounds pretty impressive, but I don't state it to impress anyone. If you know me personally, you know I put very little effort into impressing people.

Well, I'm not that impressed myself. I'm here now, single again, thinking again-what is it I'm here for? And I've lost that zeal to go out and be the adventurer, the entrepreneur. Is it my age? Am I having a mid-life crisis? (I hope not, living to 106 years old doesn't appeal to me ).Is it the results of job stress? Is it the fact that I have about 1,000 copies of movies I produced sitting in my spare room that I couldn't sell, Is it the result of my failures in marriage and parenting?  Those are all pretty good reasons now that I think about it. But, I think it has to do with my focus, which has changed many times. My focus has moved from education, to career, to family man, to ministry (through film productions), and back to career. All those are noble pursuits, but except for short periods of time I have not been looking at God as my focal point. So, I poured my heart, soul, mind and strength into those pursuits, but that doesn't quite cut it.

In the service today at the church in Tomball, the topic was; what should we be "Zealous" about. It is in Mark 12:29-31: Know that the Lord our God is the ONE God, and love Him with all your:
1. Heart
2. Soul
3. Mind
4. Strength
And love your neighbor as yourself.

I've not done that so well. I let my focus shift.

So, I think I'm not going to get to any conclusion here at this time. No tidy little summary to wrap this all up into a great object lesson. Nope, I'm going to refocus, and then maybe the picture will become clear. And maybe I'll find time to blog again before 12 months pass. Oh, this last photo was just before the enduro race at Langley. I was happy and confident then. I'll get back to that soon (happy and confident, not enduro racing).