Potty Humor

Okay, I have to get in at least one bathroom-related humorous post before I leave Thailand. I was having pretty good luck bathroomwise, unlike my initial experience in Batam. But, my luck did not hold out for the duration of the trip. I mentioned in an earlier post that I attended a funeral service. The attendees (hundreds) were seated in an outdoor area facing a small building. There was a covered porch at the front of this building where a person stood and spoke to the group using a microphone. Just behind him was an open doorway to a room with a photograph of the deceased, flowers, candles and incense. People would go into the room, shoes off, and kneel, pray, light a candle or incense and pay their respects. So now you know the setup.

The main portion of the service was over, so the crowd was down to about a hundred or so, but the man was still speaking and people were still going into the prayer room. We were getting ready to leave for a 45 minute ride to the hotel, and I needed to go to the bathroom. There was no way I would make it 45 minutes.

I asked where the restroom was, and was directed to walk past (in front of) the man speaking, go through the prayer room, and then to another room, where the restroom was. My good friend was kind enough to walk with me so I would not be too uncomforable, but I still felt a bit innappropriate. Here I am, this big (compared to Thai people) bumbly American, standing next the speaker as he addressed the
audience, fumbling to take off my big steel toe work boots (about 3 times bigger than any Thai shoes) , and walking past the people kneeling, praying and so forth, trying not to appear disrespectful. I got to the restroom and as I stepped in and flipped on the light I felt a drop of water soaking through my sock on my left foot. I hate walking through the kitchen or bathroom and stepping on a small puddle of water and feeling it soak into my sock, it just grosses me out. I looked down and realized that most of the floor had about 1/4 inch of water standing on it.

This restroom had the classic Asian style toilet, which is a hole in the floor with a raised area where you place your feet, squat and...well, you know. Flushing is
accomplished by pouring water into the hole using a ladle that floats (if you are lucky) in a bucket of water next to the "toilet." Anyway, someone had slung water all over the place. The area next to the door was relatively dry, but the rest of the floor had standing water. As I stood there considering my options, small drops of water started soaking into the sock on my right foot as well. I decided to just grit my teeth, slosh over to the "toilet" and get this over with. As I stood there, taking care of business, both socks absorbed most of the water standing around the toilet. My socks were soaked to the point that even the tops were getting wet. As I sloshed and slopped my way to the flushing bucket, then to the sink to wash my hands, I felt like I was mopping the floor with my socks. Totally, completely, gross.

I left the bathroom with both socks so wet that they flopped and slopped and squeezed water onto the floor with each step. I squished by the people who were kneeling and praying, realizing that the next person to come in and kneel will get their feet and knees wet because I just walked through soaking everything in my path. I walked over to my big shoes, which were next to the man who was still addressing the audience over the microphone. As I stuffed my soaking wet sock-covered feet into each shoe I wondered if the Thai-speaking man was telling the crowd that the goofball standing next to him just got through mopping the bathroom floor with his socks and then smeared potty-water across the floor of the prayer
room. Good grief!