Field of Weeds

I drove up to our lake house to get away for a couple days, and to do the routine mowing, trimming, bug spraying, etc. I always look forward to my visits there. It is in a tiny town on a tiny private lake, very quiet, slow paced, and relaxing. When I arrived just an hour or so before sunset I looked across our yard and our adjoining property to see what could only be described as a “Field of Weeds.” I assume you have heard of the movie “Field of Dreams”, in which, Kevin Costner plays the role of a man with a vision to build a baseball field out in the middle of nowhere. This dream came to him when he is visited by Ray Liotta who plays the role of the late Babe Ruth (I think) who visits Kevin and tells him “if you build it, they will come.” By the way, Ray Liotta scares the heck out of me, especially when he laughs. There is something about the intensity in his eyes and the tension in his face, particularly when he laughs. Some people are scared of clowns, I’m scared of Ray Liotta. I’m straying from the point.

Getting back to our lake property, as I looked across the property I see that the entire one acre area is covered with what I call “speargrass”. The speargrass is waist high so walking anywhere on the property results in collecting multiple “spears” in my clothing. When I was young, my friends and I would remove the spears and throw them at each other, which was fun because they flew very straight and stuck in the target easily. We could never get them to stick into someone’s skin, it would just stick to clothing. Okay, I’m straying again.


As I unloaded the car and surveyed the “field” I concluded that I would be spending more time than expected doing the mowing. Speargrass is difficult to mow. It is wiry and tough, and tends to just get bent over. To make sure I’m actually cutting it rather than bending it over, I have to set the transmission to a lower speed so the blades have more time to cut. If I run at the normal speeds I just end up flattening all the weeds, which is great when I’m making crop circles but not when I’m mowing the property. It was no “Field of Dreams,” and I knew that if I mowed them, they would come…back.


Mowing, particularly when using the lawn tractor, is actually pretty relaxing “work.” While mowing I tend to think, mull things over, and philosophy. As I make two and three passes over certain sections to finally cut the weeds down I’m thinking, “weeds happen” deal with them, but don’t agonize and fret and complain. This is a problem I have suffered with for most of my life, not actual weeds, but the “weeds” that show up in my life. The weeds I’m referring to are conflicts in the workplace, harmful and hurtful actions done to me by others, difficulties in relationships, unfulfilled needs and desires, unrealistic expectations placed upon me by others and myself, tiring and seemingly endless work to pay the bills, and stuff just wearing out and breaking. I probably don’t have any more “weeds” in my life than most people, in fact, my “weeds” are nothing compared to what many people in the world have to deal with. My problem is with my focus. I focus and fret and agonize over the weeds when I should be focusing on the dreams (vision) that God has placed in my mind and heart.

I work hard at everything, and I put a lot of energy into pursuing the dreams I have of serving God through a full time media ministry, and actually creating the ministry rather than just working in one. My focus has been detrimental to this pursuit. My focus all my life has been on the weeds, the negatives, and that has resulted in an unhealthy level of pessimism and cynicism. A little of those “isms” is beneficial because it instills some necessary caution, but too much drains my energy, steals my joy, diminishes my vigor, damages my health, and so on. Based on some feedback I have had over the years I think that my focus on the weeds and the resulting pessimism has mutated the natural drive, energy and enthusiasm into an intensity and tension that makes me difficult to be around; and maybe a little scary. But not as scary as Ray Liotta! I’m in my early 50;s, but it was only about 8-10 months ago that I realized this. Unbelievable! I read the book “Learned Optimism” and it was eye-opening. I also read “Every Day a Friday” and “How to be a Winner” and they each helped me to understand my struggles. So, for the last several months I have been re-programming my thinking. I only give the weeds the time needed to attend to them, then I spend as much mental energy as possible on the positive side of life. When I am realistic about it, and when I recall the truth in Romans 8:28, even the weeds and the time I spend “weeding” results in something good. I have a ways to go with the re-programming, because old habits die hard (and die hard 2-die harder, and die-hard 3). I have again strayed from the point. My point is, I'm seeing benefits of the re-programming, though it is not 100% complete.


I love it when I hit a patch of wild onions with the lawn tractor and the whole area is filled with an aroma similar to an Italian kitchen. I’ve strayed again. To conclude this long-winded rambling blog, I want to simply share something that is probably so obvious and automatic to many people, but not to me. There is so much more good stuff in my life, and good stuff to be done, than the difficulties I have to deal with. Dealing with the difficulties is actually “good” because God uses those to improve me and others in my life. And, if I keep my focus away from weeds, I will have the joy, the energy, and the drive to do the good stuff that God has planned for me, see Ephesians 2:10.

Okay, I’ve mowed and trimmed and used the blower to clean all the walkways, and I’ve finished this blog. Now its time sit back, relax, enjoy the beautiful weather; or maybe I’ll go make some crop circles.

Tomato Plant

My inlaws have been providing us with fresh vegetables from their garden. We've had green beans, squash, and potatoes so far. I think tomotoes, my favorite, are coming next. They are both very good gardeners, something I appreciate very much though I do almost no gardening myself.

Most people believe that the results from gardening are in direct proportion to the skills and efforts of the gardener. Most people believe that the key ingredient to a garden yielding large volumes of tasty vegetables is a good gardener. This belief extends into all aspects of life, such as the level of success in a career, the yield of our financial investments, how our children turn out, etc. Most of us, including me to a great extent, believe that all outcome is the result of the hard work done by us. We believe that the level of our skill and the amount of our effort are the key ingredients to the quality of the results.

I don't want to be disparging to gardeners, but you couldn't even grow a single tomato plant if it were left entirely up to you.

Gardening is hard work. I understand that the ground has to be prepared, the seeds planted at a proper time at a proper depth, the ground watered the proper amount, the proper amount of light provided, and the weeds, insects and birds must be fought off constantly. Sure, as a gardener you have to do your part, but who is doing the heavy lifting? Who designed that seed? Who created the genetic code to turn that seed into a tomato plant? Who designed the system of roots, stems, leaves and flowers that are all just a support system for the tomato? And who caused that seed to transform into a much higher complex lifeform, rather than just rot in the ground?

We work, God makes it fruitful. Even the best gardener is only doing a small share of the work, God does all the heavy lifting and it is His work that overwhelmingly influences the outcome. Don't believe me? Cain was a farmer by trade, but when God quit doing His part, Cain could not grow anything. See Genesis 4:12.

This should take some pressure off of us performance-oriented people. I just need to do my part, I don't have to do it all, and I have only a small impact on the outcome.

The Whinery

The devotional I read today struck a chord with me. It reflected some thoughts that had been rattling around in my head over the past days/weeks. The topic of the devotional was about how God uses the pressures of life to improve us, improve our walk with Him, etc. The writer likened it to how grapes under pressure get the juice squeezed out, which can produce fine wine. It immediately hit me that too often I just produce a lot of whine! The writer actually mentions "whine" at the bottom of the article.

My whining is sometimes obvious to others, but usually I keep it to myself, so it outwardly manifests itself in other ways (irritability, impatience, indulgence, discouragement, etc).

This relates somewhat to "pain management" that I wrote about before. For example, over the past months I have had a pain in my hip joints. It comes and goes in intensity, but it is usually there when I get out of a chair, walk, sneeze, etc. For those who don't know me, I move fast. I walk fast, I jump from one thing to another, I get up, move, sit down-all very quickly, so I don't waste time in transit. My new-found pain slows me down a bit. I have a couple choices, other than medication. I can either complain about how unfair it is that someone with so much to do is hampered by pain, or I can be more sympathetic and patient when someone in front of me at the store is moving slowly. Maybe walking is painful for them. I can now relate to that. Now that scenario is less likely to increase my anxiety (I'm in a hurry and I can't get past this guy!) and more likely to prompt me to say a silent prayer for the struggling person, or perhaps give them a hand at getting something off the shelf and into their cart. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling with impatience, but the pain in my hip is helping with that!

I have been asking God over the past month or so to reveal to me the source of some of my persisting bad habits. I know that just trying to eliminate bad habits, without eliminating the source, is like cutting the leaves off weeds without pulling them out by the roots. So, I have asked again, and again, for God to show me the root of my bad habits. I think it is the whine.

I guess I need to ask forgiveness for all the whine I have produced, and ask for my eyes to be opened when given an opportunity to produce wine.

The photo was taken from my hotel room in a small town in the south part of Thailand. This is what these two guys did every day, the motorbikes are what they use to commute to their "office." Many, many people live this way. Many more live much worse. Shall I whine when a client provides me with a cobbled-up, noisy, uncomfortable office space, or shall I have sympathy for those who work and live every day in difficult, dirty, noisy, uncomfortable circumstances? Whine or wine. It is up to me as to which is produced.

The Cross

Our family watched "The Passion of the Christ" last night. I thought the kids were old enough to see it. It is brutal to watch, but a very, very important message comes through in that movie-the extent of sacrifice and complete hellish misery that Jesus Christ endured, all because of our sins.
As we came to the scene where the man is told to help carry Jesus's cross, I said out loud "what an honor to be side-by-side, carrying the cross with Jesus." Then I said to myself, "I wish I could have been there, and been the one to help carry the cross." Then just as that thought went through my mind I realized how short-sighted that thought was! Jesus has asked us (and me) to "pick up your cross and follow me." I CAN walk side-by-side with him, and bear the burdens that come with giving up pursuit of my pleasures to fully serve Him. I won't see him, and I won't have a physical wooden cross on my back, but I can have the honor of serving Him using the life, time and resources He has provided me.
After seeing the movie again, I came away with the thought that no matter what I sacrifice over my remaining years to serve Him here on earth, it won't equal even a few minutes of the sacrifice and suffering He did for me.
The photograph is of me and my good friend Pradit. Pradit lives in Thailand, and has graciously invested a substantial sum of money in my next movie. His is an encouragement to me.

Pain Management

I understand time management, money management and similar terms, but "pain management" has perplexed me. I know that many people with medical conditions have doctors talk to them about pain management, and I think that is okay. But, I don't think "management" is the correct term. Things like time and money are limited, and valuable resources. It is responsible to manage time and money, I get that. But "pain management?" I don't want to "manage" pain, I want to elimate or minimize it. Pain is not a resource, is it? Ah Hah! I was recently reading another book by Don Piper, and my perspective shifted. He was crushed and instantly killed when an 18-wheeler ran over his little Ford escort. He was dead for 90 minutes, then came back to life. He really didn't wan't to come back after experiencing Heaven, and he certainly questioned why God brought him back during his months of excruciatly painful, unbearable recovery. Then he figured it out. By experiencing extreme pain, he could now relate to others in extreme pain, who otherwise would probably not give salvation through Jesus Christ a second thought.
So, "pain management" now means to me to take the hardships that come my way, and ask God to use them, and me, to accomplish His purpose. I've had some pain, not so much as others, but I've had my share. It is not right for me to act like it doesn't exist, that is not helpful to anyone. What God wants me to do is "fess up" about the events in my life that hurt, and then use that to connect to others, to honestly "feel their pain" and let them know that they are not alone.
This blog entry may be confusing to you, but it makes sense to me.
The photo is of our dog, Sandy, at the lake today. She helps keep our family stay in focus.

It's Your Life

I have wrestled with my conscience/heart for many years over how I should be spending my time here on earth, what career it is that God would have me in. I have raised the question to others, including pastors, "Is it God's will that every Christian have a career as a pastor or serve in a full-time ministry, since all other careers are not fully devoted to serving Him?"
I always got the same general answer, which in summary states that we can serve God in many careers by being a good example, being a positive influence on and ministering to others, etc. These are good answers, but, it didn't quite get to the core of my sticking point. I read a devotional by Charles Haddon Spurgeon this morning, here are the pertinent parts:

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"For me to live is Christ." — Philippians 1:21

In the words of an ancient saint, he did eat, and drink, and sleep eternal life. Jesus was his very breath, the soul of his soul, the heart of his heart, the life of his life. Can you say, as a professing Christian, that you live up to this idea? Can you honestly say that for you to live is Christ? Your business—are you doing it for Christ? Is it not done for self- aggrandizement and for family advantage? Do you ask, "Is that a mean reason?" For the Christian it is. He professes to live for Christ; how can he live for another object without committing a spiritual adultery?

- Charles Haddon Spurgeon
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At first as I read this I thought (as I have before) "Should I quit my job as an engineer and jump full-time into Christian media productions?" Quickly, before I could agonize over that (again) this answer came to me; "The point is to examine your motives. Your hands and feet can be in many places, it is your heart that He cares about."

So, I can't answer for anyone what they should be doing as "hands and feet" of God, but that we each must carefully and prayerfully examine our motives for how we spend our time.

This devotional relates well to the next movie that I am considering producing. It is a documentary exploring the lives of people who spend their time serving others, making life better for others, and making the world a better place. I still don't have a title. The potential distributor suggested titling it "Hands and Feet," I have considered titling it "It's Your Life...how will you spend it?"

The photograph was taken during production of "Spirits Among Us" while we were shooting the church service scene.

Have a Laugh on Me

Though I am guilty of it, I know it is wrong to have a laugh at another’s expense. In this case, I am giving you permission to laugh at my expense, so no need for guilt.

For those who don’t know me well, I like to keep everything I own looking and functioning like new. I fuss over little nicks and scratches, I don’t like leaks and spills marring the finish of anything. I like to keep everything neat, clean and orderly.

I came to our lake house this weekend to have a little break, and to build a ramp connecting our back yard area to the terraced area where our house is located. The change in elevation is about 2 feet between our backyard and the area in which the house is built. I wanted to build a ramp so it would be possible to drive our lawn tractor up into that section of the yard to mow it. I bought the lawn tractor used, but the owner had kept it in great condition so it looked and good as new. I like it that way.

I worked all day building the ramp. It was a more labor-intensive and time consuming task than I anticipated. I had mis-judged the amount of decking needed, so I had to make a trip into town to get more lumber. I had hoped to fit in some fishing, and maybe a nice walk in the woods, but the ramp job took all the time I had. After driving the last nail I decided to start up the tractor and try out the ramp. After working all day I was anxious to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

I had some trouble getting the tractor onto the ramp, but I added an extra piece to the bottom of the ramp and fixed the problem. Just as I was at the top of the ramp almost onto the upper lawn, the tractor hung up. It seems that the transition was too abrupt and the frame hung up on the top edge of the ramp. I jostled and shook the tractor around and it moved off the ramp into the lawn area. I figured I would have to add a few pieces of lumber to the top of the ramp, but was generally feeling that my work for the day was a success. I mowed the lawn area in about 5 minutes. Before installing the ramp it took me 30 minutes with a weed trimmer to do the job. I was feeling like I had done a pretty smart thing building that ramp.

While maneuvering the tractor around the area I found myself getting pretty close to bumping it into obstacles, like trees, the stairway, the fence, etc. I thought to myself “your son will probably smash the front of this tractor into something when you ask him to mow the property, so don’t get all upset when it doesn’t look perfect anymore.” I guess that was a premonition.

I finished mowing the area, then headed down the ramp. The tractor got stuck on the ramp. Wanting to play it safe I shut off the motor, put it neutral, then stepped off to get it unstuck. I lifted and tugged and got it unstuck. Then, it began to roll down the ramp. I grabbed the back of the seat and tried to stop the tractor. It wouldn’t stop. It picked up speed rather quickly. I switched my grip to the rear fenders to try to get better control. I lost my footing and started down the ramp hanging on to the fenders and sliding down the ramp on my behind. I quickly looked left and right, making sure no on saw me (this is an automatic reaction, hard-wired into the genetic code of all men). I popped myself back onto my feet and began running behind the tractor. I was grasping at anything to regain control of it as it picked up speed heading down the steep slope of our backyard. I flailed at the steering wheel and managed to prevent a direct collision with a tree. In retrospect, that may have not been a wise move. The tractor hit a glancing blow to the tree then began barreling down the sharp decline headed towards the storage shed. I was no longer keeping up with the tractor. The redirection after hitting the tree slowed me down a bit, so at this point I was just running and flailing at the tractor, but having no effect at slowing it down or steering it away from the shed. The tractor picked up speed for what seemed about 30 minutes (actually about 0.75 seconds) then after reaching terminal velocity slammed head-on into the side of the shed. The side of the shed deflected about 3 inches, and I think the rear wheels of the tractor came off the ground when it stopped. I heard items falling off the shelves in the shed.

I was moving so fast that I couldn’t slow down before bouncing off the tractor and landing on the ground next to it. I sat on the ground, processing what just happened. Oh golly! Those weren't my exact thoughts. I am certain that if someone had a video camera trained on me this would have made “America’s Funniest Videos.” I am so grateful that no one had a camera.

With great effort I pulled the tractor back off the shed. The sheet metal is bent, both headlights are popped out, and the cowling doesn’t fit right anymore. I don’t have to worry about my son messing up the tractor. I beat him to it.