Why do I do This?

Here I am again, going through offshore survival training, so I can go offshore and work. I don't like working offshore, but I just keep on finding myself out there! Oh well, this post isn't about my inability to direct my career as I wish, it is about all the fun I'm having right now and how I was reminded again today to stop relying on myself so much. Allow me to explain.

I am in a three-day course that teaches us how to survive incidents that may occur while working offshore, including a helicopter crash into the ocean. The photos are of the helicopter simulator that is used to train us. It is dropped in the water and spins upside-down to simulate a crash and capsize. We are strapped inside and have to escape after the helicopter crashes. We do this a total of eight times so we get to experience different scenarios, open different doors/windows, use re-breathing devices, etc. It is interesting, taxing, but not as bad as it seems.

I have done this type of class three times before, but each has its differences. Here is how it goes in this particular excersize. You are strapped in with a seatbelt. You are wearing a transit suit over your normal clothes, an inflatable life vest over your transit suit and a re-breathing unit over that. You are a big bundle of fabric, wrinkles, bulges, buckles, and straps. Now, when you first hit the water you have a few moments to deploy your re-breather and put it in your mouth. Once the simulator (and you) submerge, you have to wait for all the motion to stop (you flip upside-down), then open a door (or knock out a window), then unlatch your seatbelt, then pull yourself out of the simulator and swim to the surface. If you do anything out of sequence, you are in trouble. For example, if you unbuckle first, you just float around in the cabin and have no way of pushing open doors and getting out. Your re-breather gives you about 4 breaths, so you have about 30 seconds before the exertion starts causing you to gasp for air. It is stressful and disorienting. I have seen someone "freak out" in nearly every class. But, I have always kept my cool and gone through these with no problem. I was pretty good at this thing, no problems for me, I got it all figured out. I'm bad.

Guess what happened today? I was next to a small window that I would have to push out. It is not easy, but I had done it before and I knew that I could. Well we dropped and sunk and I quickly lifted my hands to push against the window and "snap." "What was that?" I thought. I had just undone my buckle. Big mistake. Then I started floating off the seat. "Oh, man" I thought "I just blew it! how do I get this window open now?" Well, I didn't give up, I flailed against the window but just managed to push myself across the cabin. Then I tried to pull myself down with the seat back and brace against another seat but just couldn't push hard enough. To add to the challenge, I wear contact lenses so I don't open my eyes under water, so I'm doing this blind. I'm considering head-butting the window at this point. I was probably at breath five when I felt the instructor reach over my arm and pop the window out. I pulled myself through and got to the surface, and breathed.

I had five more sessions to go. I started thinking "I may not be able to do this, I might freak out." "What if I fumble the next time, then the one after, then I won't pass the test, and I'll be embarassed, and I won't get my certificate, and then I can't work on the offshore project, and...and..." But then, "BAM" it hit me. This morning's devotional was about becoming so self-confident in things that we forget to ask God for guidance/strength/wisdom, etc. to help us handle our daily activities. We figure that we've "got this covered" and don't remember to ask God to order our steps. That is what I had done.

Now I realize that this is just a training excercise, not a real crisis, not really a big deal. But, the point that was driven home to me was; don't just seek Him during a crisis, do it even with the little things. Looking to Him in the little things prepares me for the big things. So I prayed, and He answered. No more panic, no more struggle, just clarity. I went through the remaining tests without a hitch. I know I can pass the future tests now, not because "I'm bad" but because "He's good."

Appreciation

I had the chance to have some time at our lake house this weekend. We did a quick switch at the last minute and ended up bringing our daughter's friend and sent our son over to his friend's place. The point of all this is, I got to spend time with people I care about in a place that illustrates God's creative genius, at it re-emphasized to me what I appreciate in my life.



These photos are not even close to an all-inclusive representation of who and what I appreciate, but they do provide a glimpse.





The point of this is, people that God has placed in my life are the real meaning of life. I still struggle with it, but enhancing the lives of those around me is so much more important that "getting the job done."

Soon, though I can't define "soon" I will post a series of photos to more complete my "appreciation visualization" theme.

God is good, He has truly blessed my life. I pray that I will "see" that better.

Dead Man's Grocery

I was shopping at our local grocery store several days ago, and I was hit with something that I am still not quite sure how to process. Grocery stores, like elevators, shopping malls, etc. are usually filled with background music to create an "ambience" (pronounced Ahhm Bee Ahhns). As I went through the store putting my grocery items into my grocery cart I suddenly become aware of the music playing. They are playing "Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo. This music, once considered cutting edge subversive punk rock is now being played in a grocery store!

Now, I happen to like this music, as I do some of the other music I notice they now play at the grocery store-such as Til Tuesday, The Cars, The Kinks, etc. But, how can this music now be considered "grocery store quality."

I saw Danny Elfman (Oingo Boingo) and Aimee Mann (Til Tuesday) mesmerize the audience at the Boathouse in Virginia, and now their music is in grocery stores? Is it because I have gotten terribly old, or have we just changed enough as a culture that punk rock and alternative rock are the music we listen to as we purchase our canned goods? I don't know, but I'm feeling pretty old right now. Maybe I should shop in a more conservative grocery store.

The photo is of Danny Elfman, lead singer (lead everything) for Oingo Boingo. This is just how he looked when I saw him at the Boathouse. Apparently the tank-top is his style. If you have watched a movie or television show over the last 20 years you have heard his music. He does numerous soundtracks, he is unique among the musical crowd. I still feel really old.

Flashing My Lights

On the way to work yesterday I noticed someone behind me, really close behind me, flashing their headlights. By the time it caught my eye the person had probably flashed them a couple times. They flashed them a few times more and got close enough to my rear bumper that I could no longer see the headlights on their car. I could tell they were very impatient with me driving so slow in front of them. They were probably fuming and just incensed that I wouldn't speed up, or at least move over so they could charge ahead past me. I didn't move over and I didn't speed up.

At this point you are probably thinking that I was just getting even with the "jerk" behind me. Or, maybe you're thinking that I am a "jerk" that just likes to get in people's way, irritate them, slow down their progress, make them late to an appointment, etc. Some of you might be thinking I should have tapped my brakes, "yeah, take that!" Read on.

I left out an important detail, to give you a similar perspective as the other driver. You see, I had just slowed down from 50 mph to 35 mph as I approached the speedtrap zone that myself and the driver were passing through. This driver was probably not familiar with this route and didn't realize the dramatic drop in speed limit, and the fact that several days of the week policemen are there handing out tickets. I didn't move to another lane primarily because I would have missed my exit if I had, and he likely would have blasted right through the speed trap and greeted an officer positioned just over the top of the overpass.

Now you are likely thinking, "is there a point to all this rambling?" Yes there is.

In fact, 95% of my waking hours I am the driver flashing his lights. There is so much in life that I want, no...NEED to do that every little circumstance that slows me down causes me stress as I try to push it ahead or run around it so I can "get on with it!" I need to realize that many times the circumstance that "gets in my way" is actually for my own good. Rather than kick and push and fret and stress I need to have a little more faith that the person I'm following (that would be God) is setting the right pace for me. I guess if I don't stop flashing my lights at Him, he may tap His brakes.

Oh, the photo is of a car I had many years ago, its lights flashed great-when they worked!

Busy is as Busy does

That is the phrase that popped into my head today when I realized that I have once again gotten my life so busy that I don't relax and enjoy life. The phrase is my personal version of the common phrase "stupid is as stupid does." For me, "busy" is my Achilles heel.

The photo is a shot taken of me directing the church scene for my movie "Spirits Among Us." It was a typical busy shooting day. Synchronizing people and equipment, giving direction, adjusting to changes, expediting activities, coordinating, checking the shot list, the schedule, etc. I was running at high speed and surviving on energy drinks during that time. You might be able to see my level of intensity in the photo. That is all pretty normal for movie production, but here is the problem: I find myself living my life as if I were directing a movie on a tight schedule and budget. I try over and over to slow down, "smell the roses," enjoy life, but I always drift back into a tightly scheduled pace.

I pray about this, I try to intentionally slow down and take it easy. But that hasn't worked so well so far. I don't have an answer here, just the question. Well, onto my next task!

Mystery Solved, Jiggety Jig

Just a quick update, my good friend Bob knew the source of the phrase and sent me this poem. Now I know the story behind it, and why my mom's version was "jiggety-jog" (which I don't remember ever hearing, for some reason).
Oh well, back to work again, work again, hot diggety dog!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

I don't know where that phrase came from, my wife used it a lot when we first got married and I thought it was pretty silly. She told me "everyone knows that phrase." I didn't believe her, and told her so. Then one day we were watching "Blade Runner" and the two robots greet their owner with that phrase when he arrives home. "See, everyone knows it" my wife said when that scene came up. Well, I stand corrected.

The actual point of this post is to emphasize how nice it is to be back home with the family. And I have been grilling steaks and hamburgers since I've been home. I forget how nice it is just to hang out and talk with everyone during dinner time, watch a movie together, work out in the gym with my son, listen to all the latest happenings from my wife, walk the dog, etc.

The photo is of my daughter and our pet dog while out on a family boating trip with the in-laws. It illustrates to me the comfortable feeling of being with the ones you love.

Home is good, family is good, life is good.