Why do I do This?

Here I am again, going through offshore survival training, so I can go offshore and work. I don't like working offshore, but I just keep on finding myself out there! Oh well, this post isn't about my inability to direct my career as I wish, it is about all the fun I'm having right now and how I was reminded again today to stop relying on myself so much. Allow me to explain.

I am in a three-day course that teaches us how to survive incidents that may occur while working offshore, including a helicopter crash into the ocean. The photos are of the helicopter simulator that is used to train us. It is dropped in the water and spins upside-down to simulate a crash and capsize. We are strapped inside and have to escape after the helicopter crashes. We do this a total of eight times so we get to experience different scenarios, open different doors/windows, use re-breathing devices, etc. It is interesting, taxing, but not as bad as it seems.

I have done this type of class three times before, but each has its differences. Here is how it goes in this particular excersize. You are strapped in with a seatbelt. You are wearing a transit suit over your normal clothes, an inflatable life vest over your transit suit and a re-breathing unit over that. You are a big bundle of fabric, wrinkles, bulges, buckles, and straps. Now, when you first hit the water you have a few moments to deploy your re-breather and put it in your mouth. Once the simulator (and you) submerge, you have to wait for all the motion to stop (you flip upside-down), then open a door (or knock out a window), then unlatch your seatbelt, then pull yourself out of the simulator and swim to the surface. If you do anything out of sequence, you are in trouble. For example, if you unbuckle first, you just float around in the cabin and have no way of pushing open doors and getting out. Your re-breather gives you about 4 breaths, so you have about 30 seconds before the exertion starts causing you to gasp for air. It is stressful and disorienting. I have seen someone "freak out" in nearly every class. But, I have always kept my cool and gone through these with no problem. I was pretty good at this thing, no problems for me, I got it all figured out. I'm bad.

Guess what happened today? I was next to a small window that I would have to push out. It is not easy, but I had done it before and I knew that I could. Well we dropped and sunk and I quickly lifted my hands to push against the window and "snap." "What was that?" I thought. I had just undone my buckle. Big mistake. Then I started floating off the seat. "Oh, man" I thought "I just blew it! how do I get this window open now?" Well, I didn't give up, I flailed against the window but just managed to push myself across the cabin. Then I tried to pull myself down with the seat back and brace against another seat but just couldn't push hard enough. To add to the challenge, I wear contact lenses so I don't open my eyes under water, so I'm doing this blind. I'm considering head-butting the window at this point. I was probably at breath five when I felt the instructor reach over my arm and pop the window out. I pulled myself through and got to the surface, and breathed.

I had five more sessions to go. I started thinking "I may not be able to do this, I might freak out." "What if I fumble the next time, then the one after, then I won't pass the test, and I'll be embarassed, and I won't get my certificate, and then I can't work on the offshore project, and...and..." But then, "BAM" it hit me. This morning's devotional was about becoming so self-confident in things that we forget to ask God for guidance/strength/wisdom, etc. to help us handle our daily activities. We figure that we've "got this covered" and don't remember to ask God to order our steps. That is what I had done.

Now I realize that this is just a training excercise, not a real crisis, not really a big deal. But, the point that was driven home to me was; don't just seek Him during a crisis, do it even with the little things. Looking to Him in the little things prepares me for the big things. So I prayed, and He answered. No more panic, no more struggle, just clarity. I went through the remaining tests without a hitch. I know I can pass the future tests now, not because "I'm bad" but because "He's good."