Mountains and Molehills, Forced Perspective

The photograph is of one of three cranes that I designed undergoing load testing on a rig offshore in Thailand. This project is what has consumed most of my life since October 2007. The load test was a success. The load could be lifted and lowered 35 feet, moved fore and aft 50 feet and inboard and outboard 25 feet. Passing the load test was a huge relief, but that is not the end of the story.

I was going to title this post “Failure, When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough” but that was just a bit too cynical, and it puts the emphasis on the wrong way to approach life. This post starts out gloomy, but has a happy ending.

I recently experienced a few events that triggered a lot of negative and stressful thought patterns about my self, my life, and life in general. I was informed by one of the rig managers that they decided that the crane control system (that I designed) was unsafe and they won’t use them. Even though we passed the load test, the controls were not good enough. So, I have to design a better system and go back to Thailand to install and test it. I failed to design a suitable control system. I usually didn’t finish that sentence when I repeated it in my mind. I just stopped at “I failed.” A day later I got a call telling me that another crane I designed failed during testing. I failed to consider a load case scenario in my analysis. So, I had to design some reinforcements and the client will have to re-work all three cranes. Again, all I really needed to remind myself is that “I failed.” My visit to the doctor revealed that my diet and exercise routine has failed to reduce my blood pressure and cholesterol levels. In fact both had increased considerably. Now I’m on more blood pressure medication and taking medication to lower my cholesterol. When I tell people of my cardiovascular troubles, many quickly give me their opinion of the problem, “too much stress,” “too much red meat,” “not enough exercise,” etc. Though well-intended, these answers all point to me failing to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Once again, “I failed.” If all other aspects of my life were in perfect harmony (marriage, children, etc.) these other events would be easier to handle. But, that is not the case. To make matters worse, I started doing a quick review of my past failures, being careful not to leave any out. So, I have been crushed for the past couple weeks. That is how I best describe the feeling, crushed. But I didn’t need to be, it was completely unnecessary.

I struggle with keeping my perspective properly proportioned. What I often do is what some people call “making a mountain out of a molehill.” I prefer to think that I suffer from “forced perspective.” This phrase refers to a technique used in photography and filmmaking to convince the audience that an object is larger or smaller than it really is. Here is the definition from Wikipedia:

“Forced Perspective is a technique that employs optical illusion to make an object appear farther, closer, larger or smaller than it actually is.”

This technique has been used for many, many years and it is very effective. It was used in “The Passion of the Christ” when spikes were driven into the actor’s hands. Forced perspective can convince us that something is true, when it is actually false. It can convince us that something is relatively important, when it is relatively unimportant. The events that happened to me recently triggered a forced perspective reaction. I, with the help of a few others in both the natural and supernatural world, became convinced that these events have far greater significance and meaning than they actually do. I know that these things that happened are genuine problems with genuine consequences, and they have to be dealt with. What I have a hard time “knowing” is how big these things are compared to the important things in life. By “important” I mean important to God. Also, I have a hard time knowing the meaning of such problems when they come up. Often, I use this equation to derive the meaning (I’m an engineer, I can’t help it):

(Mistake in design + Problems raising children + Problems in marriage) x Health Problems = I’m a failure

You can see the equation is quite simple, anyone can use this equation and apply it to their own lives. I only recommend it if there is a desire to be stressed, irritable and depressed. But, God has stepped in and helped to take what I intellectually understood, and move it closer to my heart. I hope this perspective sticks with me, because I like it much better. Here is one of His equations:

(Mistakes in all endeavors + Problems in all relationships) x Health Problems = Human living on earth

He has revealed to me that my life on this earth is just a blip in the entire history of the world and the entire history of the world is just a blip in the entire history of the universe and the entire history of the universe is just a blip compared to eternity in heaven. So, just how much weight can my daily issues really carry? How much can it matter if I am “successful” in handling each challenge that comes my way? The precise amount as I have calculated it is, not much.

So, if “successful” achievements and resolution of problems aren’t so important, what is important? What is most important is my relationship to God and my relationship with the people in my life. More specifically, it is important that I seek to know God and serve him, and to know the people in my life and serve them. We all need to move closer to God, and help others move closer to God. What God is really looking at is not so much my performance, but my heart. He is looking at my motives. If my motives are aligned with loving God and loving the people in my life, then I am living successfully, and He is pleased with me.

I don’t have to fret over making the right decision. I don’t have to be stressed-out in effort to avoid making mistakes. I don’t have to worry about the outcome of the numerous “failures” in my performance. If I keep my motives aligned properly, then I will successfully be used by God to do the tasks that He has prepared for me (see Eph 2:10). If I love God and am called to His purpose, I can not fail, I can not be a failure (see Rom 8:28). I know everyone has heard these things before. But getting these truths into my ears, through my brain, down my throat and into my heart is a slow, painful process. I just hope I don’t gag and throw them up before they take root in my heart.